A jury nailed Donald Trump with 34 felonies. His Arizona groupies lost it

Donald Trump is now a convicted felon. His biggest Arizona fans can't cope.

Thursday afternoon, a Manhattan jury convicted the former president of 34 felony counts — all of falsifying a business record in the first degree — in relation to hush money payments he funneled to porn star Stormy Daniels prior to the 2016 election. Trump, who is running to regain the White House this November, now holds the dubious distinction of being the only U.S. president ever convicted of a felony.

The case was unique both for its historical significance and the media attention it generated, as well as for Trump's repeated violations of a judge's gag order. But in most other ways, it bore all the hallmarks of a standard criminal trial.

Charges were brought, and a 12-person jury was seated. Evidence was entered into the record, and witnesses were called and cross-examined. Then, the jury deliberated and returned its verdict. Basically, the system worked as designed — and if Trump doesn't like it, he has the right to file an appeal.

But that didn't stop his biggest right-wing Arizona sycophants from throwing a fit at what they called a rigged proceeding. Here is a roundup of what our state's most MAGA-brained had to say.

U.S. Senate candidate Kari Lake

Lake, who is trailing badly to Democrat Ruben Gallego in the polls and who seems to have lost Trump's favor, worked hard to win it back in a statement emailed and tweeted after the verdict.

The case, she said, was "the most egregious example of election interference and an outright mockery of the rule of law in the 246-year history of our Republic." Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes, who brought charges against the state's 11 fake electors, might have something to say about that. Lake called Trump's transgression "a non-crime" — actually, it's 34 very real ones — and accused Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg and Judge Juan Merchan of being biased against the former president.

Lake also took aim at witness and "convicted perjurer" Michael Cohen — who, until a few years ago, was Trump's most trusted legal advisor — and called his testimony "one of the most embarrassing debacles ever seen in a courtroom." A title for which Lake's own attorneys are sure to shoot.

Betraying some understanding of the legal process, Lake argued the "conviction should be immediately reversed upon appeal." Notably, though, her statement made no mention of the people who actually decided the case: the jury.

U.S. Rep. Andy Biggs

Biggs struck similar notes to Lake, calling the trial a "WITCH HUNT" and a "travesty of justice" in two tweets.

"Joe Biden's regime has made a mockery of our justice system," Biggs wrote.

For the record, Bragg was chosen by New York voters. Merchan was first appointed to the bench by former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, eventually rising to the Supreme Court of New York. Biden had nothing to do with it.

U.S. Rep. Eli Crane

Crane, who represents Arizona's 2nd Congressional District, tweeted that "they weaponized our justice system" — it's not clear who "they" is, although maybe Crane's become hip to the use of personal pronouns — and that the trial was "election interference."

He also, without any apparent irony intended, retweeted an image of an upside-down American flag — a distress signal adopted by the Stop the Steal movement and Jan. 6 rioters who attempted to overthrow the 2020 election.

State Sen. Jake Hoffman

Hoffman, who is the chair of the Arizona Freedom Caucus, tweeted a video of Trump reacting to the verdict.

"Congratulations, Democrats: You can never again call yourselves 'defenders of democracy,'" Hoffman commented. "You’ve officially transitioned to third world fascists & authoritarians."

Hoffman knows all about defending democracy. He is one of two sitting Arizona legislators to serve as a fake elector — they filmed themselves doing it — in an attempt to overturn the 2020 election. He was charged by a grand jury in April.

State Sen. Anthony Kern

Kern, the other indicted fake elector currently serving in the state Senate, posted a photo of himself next to Trump, giving a thumbs up.

"The American people will be the true jurors in November," he wrote.

That makes about as much sense as whatever Kern was yelling on the Senate floor a few months back. The jurors were the true jurors. The voters may have their say on who should be president, but Trump still will have been convicted of 34 felonies no matter what.

U.S. House candidate Abe Hamadeh

In the span of one tweet, Hamadeh blasted the "dangerous precedent where political opponents are targeted and silenced through corrupt legal schemes" before immediately calling for Merchan to be targeted for prosecution and disbarment. That, folks, is what we call cognitive dissonance.

Hamadeh also posted a photo of him standing behind Trump in military fatigues while holding a gun. Don't do it, Abe! Trump may love the death penalty, but he wasn't talking about it for himself.

Trump endorsed Hamadeh in the crowded field of MAGA candidates in the GOP primary for Arizona's 8th Congressional District. Kern is also in the race.

State Sen. Wendy Rogers

Considering her usual rhetoric, Rogers was a mite restrained in wake of the verdict, calling it a "regrettable event" in a tweet. But like many of her fellow MAGA travelers, she got one important detail wrong, writing that the case "highlights the ongoing weaponization of the justice system by the Biden Administration."

Again, it was a case brought in a state court. The U.S. Justice Department was not involved. Are we not teaching enough civics in school?

U.S. Rep Paul Gosar

"Justice is lost," Gosar tweeted.

Not as good a movie title as "Olympus Has Fallen," but I'd still go see it.