Lists

Laurie Notaro's Army of Foodies (Part Two)

I'm sorry, but there are always more. As soon as I hit save on my Army of Foodies list, I came up with another five.

While these Amuse Douchers aren't always as prominent in everyday foodie structure, they are there. Thankfully, most of them will move on in about three months to whatever the next trend is, since they came to Foodiedom after ReadyMade went defunct and the publisher started sending Better Homes and Gardens in its place. This is what happens when you no longer get photo instructions of a cute girl in skinny jeans demonstrating how to turn abandoned bikes into hanging lamps or a guy with a beard upcycling any objects with a bottom into a portable barbecue.

Shhhh, shhhh. It's almost over.

Probably.

Wine Swisher Thank heavens you are here to save me from drinking the wrong wine with the right food, a humiliating decision that will haunt me for years to come. I know, I know, it's on par with picking which one of your children shall live, but, man, sit down and take your spittoon with you. Seriously. I know enough to drink fruit punch with McDonald's and go with limeade at Chick-Fil-A, so I'm good. Besides, I'd rather pluck chin hairs than listen to you say, "Do you get that? Are you getting that? The undertones are so primitive, so dirty, it's like drinking Earth" one more time. Just go home and make your own wine labels. It's Three Buck Chuck under there, because if it was something better, you'd never cover it up, plus you haven't figured out how to make your own corks yet. I'm sure that will be covered on the "Fraudulent Vintner" in an upcoming blog entry.

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Laurie Notaro