Six chefs remaining and Angelo's gone, yo. Can anyone believe this? Not the part about the six chefs but about Angelo. Seriously? Who will represent crazy now? Answer: Angelo, in about 20 minutes.
In the meantime, at the Honeycomb Hideout, we see Blais showing his "How to Win at Top Chef All-Stars" notebooks filled with drawings, cooking ideas, and ancient Ginger-Wicca spells to Mike (foreshadowing!) while Tiffani explains that putting on eye shadow will make her perform better. Hm, notebooks filled with cooking ideas or eye shadow? Answer: Duh, eye shadow.
Quickfire Challenge The chefs walk into the kitchen to find Food Network's Paula Deen with Bravo's Padma Lakshmi and...WAIT, WHAT FRIGGIN' CHANNEL IS THIS? WORLD'S ARE COLLIDING! Someone yells out, "My mom loves you!" to Paula, which is the equivalent of calling her old and out of touch (so sweet!), and Dale looks like he's going to hurl either from the challenge or from the stank of Food Network in the Bravo Kitchen.
Deep-fry challenge (no shit!) and spoiler alerts ahead, y'all!
The batter starts flying, er, frying, and Mike announces he's making fried "oysters," which are really chicken armpits playfully displayed in real oyster shells. It would have been a great idea if he hadn't just seen it in Blais' secret notebooks. Now he is a cheater. Mike the Cheat. And cheaters never prosper. Until now.
Paula deems Mike the Cheat the winner after telling Carla her hush puppies tasted like spit balls (ouch, y'all!) and Antonia that her fried avocados and shrimp would have won but can't because she plated only one dish. Antonia is crying because technicalities are a bitch and this life lesson just cost her ass 5K.
Mike the Cheat is flaunting his steal-Blais'-idea-win and, later, Antonia tells Carla and Tiffany what happened. They declare Mike the Cheat guilty of breaking "chef law." Note to Mike the Cheat: Chef law, like karma, is a bitch, baby. You'll see.
Paula Deen's fellow southerner and guest judge, chef John Besh, arrives to tell the chefs their challenge will be to cook Gulf seafood, Southern-style, for 300 guests at a benefit for fisherman put out of work by last year's oil spill. Wow, that sounds like a lot of work; I wonder how they will manage to...
Losers! Hey the
losers eliminated chefs are here to help: Tre (call me!), Angelo (crazy's back!), Spike, Fabio (miss you!), Tiffani, and Marcel (ew!) walk into the kitchen, each holding a different seafood. Each non-losing chef gets to pick a protein but has to team up with the loser eliminated chef who's holding it. They split into pairs and start planning -- and Dale calls the eliminated chefs "bed bugs" for returning. Note to Dale: Contractual obligations and nearly every Top Chef season does this -- get over it. Fabio tells his partner Blais that he reminds him of his ex-wife, which means that he generally hates him but still would have sex with him if the moment presented itself. Note to Blais: We'd hit it.
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At the venue, 300 people feels like 3 jillion (hey, what's up Johnathan Waxman!), and everyone starts to unravel. Carla is not happy with her dish, which makes us not happy, 'cause we love her, Dale is serving raw potatoes and knows it, which is puzzling, and John Besh is lovin' on Mike the Cheat's shrimp coated in grits (an idea he got from Tiffani) and, goddammit, where the hell are Bourdain and Simmons?
Judges' Table On the top are Antonia, Blais, and Mike the Cheat. Blais takes the win for pulled pork with grits and snapper (and for not cheating) and announces that when he takes his trip to Barbados -- the victory prize -- he'll take his cooking partner Fabio with him. SPINOFF SHOW TBA, YO! After they return back to the stew room, Mike the Cheat burps on Antonia. Classy.
On the bottom, Carla, Dale and Tiffany. Blah, blah, please-don't-eliminate-Carla-cause-we-love-her, blah, blah, blah. In the end, Dale goes home for raw potatoes, mustard-y croutons, and hardly any fish. Please pack your knives (and sarcastic barbs) and go. Dale is in tears (no one cares) and says the experience has made him feel like Superman, which would be true if Superman were re-named Super-Angry-Man and didn't have to ever cook potatoes.
Time to pick the final three, Top Chef fans! How's Blais, Antonia, and Mike the Cheat sound? Agree? Who are your picks?