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Why Your Pizza Delivery Guy Hates You

They work hard to deliver hot, cheesy goodness to your front door and expect only a paltry tip in return. They are pizza guys and their stories deserve to be heard. The following is the tale as told to me by such a pizza guy. Should he attach his name to this bit of prose it is absolutely certain that he would be fired by the corporate pizza powers that be. To preserve his job (and my extra large with pepperoni and mushrooms) while allowing him a theraputic release, I present to you the reasons your pizza delivery guy hates you.


Recently, New Times intern Sarah Ventre provided an exhaustive list of reasons why your cocktail waitress hates you (Note: Sarah works at an indie bar that has a sense of humor about this sort of thing. This pizza guy's corporate bosses do not.) Judging by some of the comments her article received, the list clearly hit a nerve -- both with her fellow servers who share her pain and with the rude customers who got a sobering dose of reality.

Not to be outdone, I have decided that, as an even lower member of the food service hierarchy, I deserve to have my voice heard. 

I am a pizza guy. 

I'm not really sure why pizza guys are viewed with such pity and disdain by the general public, but please understand that telling people you're a waitress/server is like telling them you're a Fortune 500 CEO compared to telling people you deliver pizzas.

Exhibit A:

Q: How do you get a University of Nebraska graduate off your doorstep?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

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Jonathan McNamara