The guiltiest pleasure of all Internet interactions for us is the Craigslist Missed Connection section. So many awkward encounters and many more horribly skewed perceptions of what's going to attract the opposite sex makes it irresistible scrolling material on any long, boring day at work. Sure, maybe we're hoping that someday someone will miss a connection with us and feel compelled to post, but mostly it's just the best form of people-watching you can do in the Internet age.
Here's what people were missing in March:
Not a great way to inspire someone to respond, but at least he used the proper form of "your" and "too," which is really rare in Missed Connections. However, it's really not cool to call someone a "jerk" with a "nasty attitude," claim they don't have any friends, and then tell them to "evolve." Are you trying to attract someone or just make them feel bad because they rejected you? We're sure he thinks he's a nice guy, too, and doesn't understand why girls never go for him. Here's a hint: You're disrespectful and you handle rejection about as well as a middle schooler.
The post itself is pretty harmless, but she really has to understand that no guy ever wants to be beckoned by the message that it's been "almost nine months." Consider your audience. "hug SOMETHING!" Whoa, now. Do Not Enter - Dragons Only
Oh girl, we love fantasy as much as the next person, but your admission to photographing this poor dragon lover and then looking at the picture "every few minutes" is 20 times creepier than it would ever be flattering. At least she didn't post the picture. Stick to common interests, ditch the voyeurism, and then . . . maybe. ICYMI: "Resembles: Rosie O'Donnell."
This is a pretty common approach on Missed Connections -- casting a wide net of pretty much anyone who will bite. Nothing is less flattering than being one of many women, and having the guy you hooked up with broadcast that he's willing to give it/you/them another go. Plus, the whole thing feels like a XXX version of Memento -- did you get amnesia? Are you trying to piece together your past with sexual experiences? "Lol. My name is Drew." And drop the mic.
And the pièce de résistance...
This is easily one of the best Missed Connections we've ever seen. The title alone has so much going for it, and you can't help but wonder, "Yeah, guy, who isn't?" But as you read further in the post you find out that he spent a year in prison, enjoys to "catch a buzz sometimes," and finds it necessary to mention that his schvantz isn't small. Worst of all, he says, "Also if you've been with a black guy im automatically not interested." Um, what?
"Put your fav. COLOR in the subject line so I know your real."
We're gonna have to go with black.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.