The apocalypse is quickly approaching and if we want to survive whatever post-apocalyptic world will be left to us, we had better start preparing.
Sure, we can look to scientists and historians to tell us what to do, but when it comes to actual training, they're about as helpful as a mini-nuke without a Fat Man, which is why we have turned to video games for guidance.
1. Prepare for Mutants
If we have learned anything from the likes of video games like Fallout 3, Left 4 Dead, and Rage, it's that the future post-apocalypse will be crawling with mutants -- and not the cool kind of mutants that can shoot lasers out of their eyes.
These are the sewer dwelling, zombified, toxic-goo slinging mutants that want to kill you. Oh, and some of them used to be your friends and family. So, there's that.
We aren't quite sure why, but whatever the apocalypse brings -- nuclear disaster, disease, financial collapse -- there will always be mutants. And they will always be trying to kill you.
Pro tip: Learn to defend yourself, and we aren't talking about taking Karate lessons.
We aren't quite sure why, but whatever the apocalypse brings -- nuclear disaster, disease, financial collapse -- there will always be mutants. And they will always be trying to kill you.
Pro tip: Learn to defend yourself, and we aren't talking about taking Karate lessons.
2. There is no "I" in Post-Apocalypse
Just like your junior high soccer coach told you, except there's more at stake than a little plastic trophy and a pizza party.
The only thing you are going to accomplish by striking out in to the post-apocalyptic world on your own is that you will die by yourself. Teamwork is an important lesson that Left 4 Dead, and its sequel completely revolve around. When you're being swarmed by hundreds of zombies, it's nice to have someone watching your back.
Start developing those trust based relationships now, because you know what they say about relationships that are established in stressful situations -- they get you eaten by zombies.
Pro tip: Think: "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you" ... and repeat.
3. Pack Heat.
They gave everyone a gun in Gears of War 3, and you can't walk ten steps without coming across a machine gun in Left 4 Dead. It's just a fact of life, learn to use a gun.
Pro tip: If you need more convincing as to why this lesson is so important, see lesson one.
4. Necessity is the Mother of Invention
Start developing those trust based relationships now, because you know what they say about relationships that are established in stressful situations -- they get you eaten by zombies.
Pro tip: Think: "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you" ... and repeat.
3. Pack Heat.
There is one thing that all post-apocalyptic video games tend to agree on, everyone knows how to use a gun. We know what some of you are thinking, "But there are probably going to be some peaceful farming communities that share and look after each other and don't use guns!" Yeah, probably, until a bunch of people with guns show up and take all of their food. I'm sure they'll call it sharing, too.
They gave everyone a gun in Gears of War 3, and you can't walk ten steps without coming across a machine gun in Left 4 Dead. It's just a fact of life, learn to use a gun.
Pro tip: If you need more convincing as to why this lesson is so important, see lesson one.
4. Necessity is the Mother of Invention
There is going to be a lot of stuff left over after the world ends. Most of it will be junk or unusable junk. But if you are industrious, you can turn that junk into useful and deadly contraptions.
Games like Fallout 3, Dead Island and Dead Rising have shown us that all you need is a little bit of imagination and some duct tape and you can make yourself a gun that shoots railroad spikes and sounds a cheerful train whistle every time you pull the trigger. Or a remote control giant teddy bear Rambo. You know, useful stuff.
Pro tip: You don't have to just make weapons. We're sure there are plenty of non weaponized contraptions that are also useful. But, you know, lesson one.
Pro tip: You don't have to just make weapons. We're sure there are plenty of non weaponized contraptions that are also useful. But, you know, lesson one.
