Ron May, Director

By day, Ron May is Audience Services Director for Actors Theatre -- whatever that means. The rest of the time he's a dramatic triple threat: actor (most recently as an angry young man in Stop Kiss), director (earlier this month, he helmed Nearly Naked Theatre's Marvin's Room) and artistic director (for amazing upstart Stray Cat Theatre). Here, he pauses long enough to consider his dream job; Whitney Houston on crack; and the first time he got drunk. .

I knew I wanted to be in show business when I saw Phantom of the Opera in high school. My best friend likened it to a "religious experience" and I wanted to punch her in the head.

The worst thing about being a director is having reviewers say it's your fault they didn't like a show. It's probably true. But it still sucks.

The worst audition I've ever seen was by this insane woman who came into an audition that asked for a two-minute monologue and proceeded to launch into an eight-minute "scene" that involved imaginary scenery, about 11 props, and two other characters who she not only "acted with" (read: stood there nodding and laughing and reacting to) and -- hand to God -- had mime-combat with and which culminated in her throwing a chair that totally nailed me in the shin.

It's not entirely true, but I sometimes tell people that I think they're really pretty.

I am utterly terrified of succeeding. And dying. At least that's what my shrink says.

Running a tiny, subversive theater company is exhausting, exhilarating, and a lot better (for me) than running a big bloodless one.

I laugh uncontrollably at Mitch Hedberg. Crackhead Whitney Houston on Being Bobby Brown. And camel toes.

The one thing I absolutely refuse to do onstage is take my shirt off. Thank whatever god you believe in.

Something I have never admitted to anyone before is I secretly want Robrt Pela's job so I can sit at home in my underwear all day long and say whatever I want and get paid for it.

Currently I am reading Trainspotting. Stray Cat Theatre is doing it later this season and I'm stealing stuff from the book. Shhh.

The first time I got drunk, I was arrested for walking under the influence. I apparently decided it would be a good idea to sing really loudly in the key of "too much vodka" on the grounds of the Mormon college by my house. The cops shackled me and took me "home," except my license still had my dad's address on it and he lived 25 miles away and had kicked me out several months prior. Getting drunk is a lot more fun now.

Like my mother used to say, "Don't put that in your mouth."

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Robrt L. Pela has been a weekly contributor to Phoenix New Times since 1991, primarily as a cultural critic. His radio essays air on National Public Radio affiliate KJZZ's Morning Edition.
Contact: Robrt L. Pela