Top Video Games to Play While You're High

Since we'll soon have medical marijuana in Arizona, we've been recommending things to do while you're high. This week, we look at the top video games to play while under the influence.

Destroy All Humans (Pandemic Studios/THQ):

This is a game where you play an alien sent to Earth to steal human DNA for cloning, because your alien race has no genitals and can't reproduce. So basically, you're a dickless creature who runs around assaulting people with anal probes. If that plot doesn't lend itself to smoking chronic, we don't know what does. To make things even weirder, the game is set in the 1950s, but features futuristic technology like jet packs, sentry guns, energy beams, and radioactive Tesla coils. Oh, and there's also a giant robot outfitted with the brain of recently-assassinated U.S. President Huffman (a parody of President Truman).

Any version of Final Fantasy (Square Enix):
Since its initial release in 1987, the Final Fantasy game has become one of the most popular in the world, and the latest versions (Final Fantasy XIV came out this past September) feature some of the most stunning graphics and music in the gaming world. Nothing goes as well with a good marijuana high as colorful visuals, and the Final Fantasy games have tons, from 3D graphics and realistic-looking characters to full motion videos and fully rendered backgrounds. The game soundtracks are amazing, too, and feature orchestrated music by Nobuo Uematsu. Really, you could just get high and watch somebody play a Final Fantasy game -- it's like a quality anime film. But watching players find magic crystals, travel on large flightless birds called Chocobos, and interact with white teddy bear-looking creatures called Moogles is a compelling case for participation.

Rayman Raving Rabbids (Ubisoft):

Here you're playing Rayman, a limbless creature of dubious origin that looks sort of like a rooster on crack. You can dress Rayman in a variety of garb, and the game music will match his costumes (among your choices: Gangsta, Disco, Gothic, and Caramba). The plot revolves around Rayman trying to escape imprisonment at the hands of malicious bunny-like creatures called Rabbids. He has to complete a series of trials before being given a giant gold cow trophy for his cell (and he'll have to do even more to escape). Players can shoot rabbids with toilet plungers, race warthogs using a fly swatter as a riding crop, and dodge the rabbids' deadly feather dusters -- all of which could be a very bad trip, except the evil bunnies are so damn cute.

Rock Band 2 (Harmonix Music Systems/MTV Games):
Why bother getting high and playing air guitar when you can toke up and strum a piece of guitar-shaped plastic? Stoners who dream of being rock stars love this game, because it can turn into an all-out jam if you've got a few friends over. And don't worry about being too high to hit the right notes or having to fake a mosh while you're puking -- professional musicians do it all the time.

(Various publishers):
This puzzle video game, designed by Alexey Pajitnov in the former Soviet Union, was first released in 1984, and has since become one of the most popular games in the world. The idea is players have to line up boxes of various sizes and colors with like-boxes to eliminate them from the screen, while new boxes rain down from the top of the screen and move faster as the game progresses. If boxes pile up to the top of the screen, it's over. This game is great to play while high for two reason: Number one, you've got to use your brain and think quickly. Number two: Lots of pretty colors.

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Niki D'Andrea has covered subjects including drug culture, women's basketball, pirate radio stations, Scottsdale staycations, and fine wine. She has worked at both New Times and Phoenix Magazine, and is now a freelancer.
Contact: Niki D'Andrea