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Anal Virginity Threats: Adam's Shocking Fetish (Threat level: medium) My hairy posterior is now dodging a triple threat: Frankie and George have been joined by Adam . . . The three contenders for my excretory opening are preparing to square off in what is fast becoming a Wild Western poop-chute shoot-out in the bird-brained belief that the best man will get to warmly receive my tight lower crevice. The fact that my cranny pack just wants to be left alone seems to have impassioned the lusty blokes who are now more gung-ho than ever, and further stimulated by the competition between them . . .
See what we mean?
One of that day's briefs informed us that "President Bush brings words of support for Georgia's democracy and its wish to join NATO but no firm promise of assistance to help it wrench itself from Russia's influence."
When we saw the arrow was pointing to an area near Atlanta, fear reverberated. Russia's influence? Russkis in the Old South? And how had democracy hit a trouble spot in the state that brought us Jimmy Carter and Newt Gingrich? We were relieved to see a correction the very next day -- the Georgia that Bush visited, the Republic informed us, is actually near the Caspian Sea south of Russia.
Did they have to scare us like that? Reading that paper is frightening enough as it is.