1. You know what I've always hated? Hearing MJ described as "the self-proclaimed King of Pop." First, I don't think it's appropriately respectful of the man who wrote Thriller; second, as far as I know, it's totally inaccurate, as I've never heard Jackson refer to himself as the "King of Pop" and, even if he did, he was only using an honorific given to him by Liz Taylor. Look, folks, if Jackson was dubbed "The King" by Cleopatra herself, who are we to question it?

2. Oh, The Onion, you're always as prophetic as you are hilarious.

3. Thought from a co-worker who wishes to remain anonymous: "It's a lot like when grandma in hospice dies. He's in a better place right now."

4. Janet Jackson has never been more useful to the world than she was in "Scream," which is actually still a pretty cool video after all these years. Is it me, or did that "zero gravity" environment and silver bra make her look a lot, ahem, better than she did through that gold nipple ring in the infamous Super Bowl debacle?

5. Jokes: (a) Now he gets to party with the Elephant Man, for reals. (b) Farrah and Ed McMahon complete the Carter/Reagan-era death trifecta. (c) There are no child molestation laws in heaven.

6. I've always said that when I make a bazillion dollars, I'm going to have a kitchen floor that lights up when you walk on it -- like the sidewalk in "Billie Jean." Do not steal this idea.

7. The Moonwalk is still the best dance move ever invented. Period.

8. Honestly, who doesn't blame Pepsi for a lot of this? Before they set him on fire while working on a commercial, he seemed pretty normal. As has been written many times before, his disfigurement and the associated surgeries, pushed him just a little too far into the surgery scene. The point is this: I'm drinking a Coke in his honor right now.

9. If you ever have a chance to see the original white sequined glove at The Motown Museum in Detroit and don't take it, you're a fool. You will be awestruck by it. You're not technically allowed to take photos, but I have one of me mugging it up with that gorgeous glove somewhere.

10. Can we please start referring to Lisa Marie Presley as "the widow Jackson" in all media reports involving her? Also, that "nobody thought this would last" kiss at the 1994 MTV Music Video Awards really was the greatest moment in that program's history.

Clubs editor Benjamin Leatherman contributed to this "report."

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