How do you top one of the most-talked about moments in MTV Video Music Award history? Release a boring music video, then bribe your fans to set records by watching it the most times ever in a 24-hour period.
It's all part of Little Miss Miley Cyrus' marketing plan for her upcoming album, Bangerz, due out Tuesday, October 8. Her second single and video for "Wrecking Ball" is sure to tick off a legion of new people (if they don't already look down on her), but it's not just because the song is lackluster or devoid of genuine sentiment. Compared to her groundbreaking clip for "We Can't Stop" -- which, despite being a party montage, still showed off the quirkiest shindig ever to be filmed -- "Wrecking Ball" is cookie cutter and painstakingly simple. Sure, Cyrus is naked throughout it, but that doesn't get this viewer excited at all.
While "We Can't Stop" inspired precious pet parodies and got everyone grooving, "Wrecking Ball" is a poor choice for a follow-up single and a disappointing clip. Here are the five most disturbing things -- besides the horrible manicures, the grinding on concrete and the cellulite close-ups -- about what should have been an epic follow-up video to "We Can't Stop."
1. It seems that Miley Cyrus is totally unable to experience real human emotions. For being an "actress" in such meaningful works such as Hannah Montana and The Last Song, Cyrus sure has a tough time committing to looking like she's sad in this breakup anthem. In close-ups of the bare-faced singer, her expressions range from confused, to curious, to excited, to angry, to happy -- as if she doesn't really know how to experience sadness -- all while a single tear rolls down her face. It would have been more effective if she just stuck to sad, but Cyrus oh-so-badly overacts during her prime time in the camera and comes across as disingenuous when she could have actually added some depth to the clip.
2. She's not wearing any pants -- but she is wearing a crop top and underwear. In the bits where Cyrus isn't naked, she's wearing the most impractical outfit ever -- all while she's swinging around a sledgehammer. Of all the activities to perform pantless, handling a sledgehammer might be the dumbest.
Not only is it unsafe, it's tired -- we all know what Miley Cyrus looks like almost nude. At this point she'd be better off developing a new look with clothes, where her fashion could actually inspire people instead of just make them scratch their heads. All her nudity just makes her seem like she's trying too hard to make people pay attention to her because she lacks vocal talent.
3. She licks the sledgehammer -- a lot. Why in the F would someone lick a sledgehammer?! Where has that sledgehammer been? What kind of bacteria does it have on it? What has it destroyed? Cyrus caresses the sledgehammer and puts it up to her face, creating this bizarre relationship with an inanimate object before using it to trash things. Hopefully she disinfected between each take.
4. She's not wearing a bra. Now, not wearing a bra is totally fine, usually. But when you're not wearing a bra under a see-through shirt in a music video, it's because you're just desperate for attention. This is another case where what Cyrus is doing isn't sexy at all -- it's just trashy.
5. She looks completely sexually turned on in most of the video -- even though it only consists of her naked self, a wrecking ball and a sledgehammer. The tone of the song suggests nothing about feeling all come-hither, yet that's the persona Cyrus gives off in the video. Why try to be sexy when it means you'll come off like you don't even know how to interpret your own lyrics?
This video could have been shot in a million more amazing ways than as yet another attempt to shock people. If only she could be a little more mature in her business decisions, she might actually gain more fans than just the Smilerz she only shows album tracklists after they've broken a record for her. (Isn't that cheating?)
Cyrus slapping herself was about the only cool part of this video. No, not because she's inflicting pain on a body many are annoyed by -- because it's the rawest, most honest part of the video. If only she could be more like that in all her interactions.
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What do you think of "Wrecking Ball"? Share what you think is disturbing -- or awesome -- in the comments.