Caffiend: Dutch Bros. ER-911

You know a coffee company's out to serve up ass-whooping drinks when their menu includes beverages named things like the "Annihilator" and "Double Torture." Dutch Bros. -- an upstart company with drive-thru locations in Nevada, Oregon, Arizona, and other southwestern states -- seems to have made it the company's mission to serve high-octane coffees that kick the crap out of other brands. This week, we tried one of Dutch Bros.' more extreme-sounding coffees, the ER-911. The brew is available hot or iced, and since it's hotter than a whore's bottom on a lake of fire in Phoenix right now, we went with the iced version. (By the way, we hit up the location on east Bell Road, but there's also a Dutch Bros. drive-thru being built at Central and Camelback).

Dutch Bros. ER-911

Looks like: Pretty standard, creamy brown iced coffee.

Smells like: A bag of fresh coffee grounds.

Tastes like: A potent, rich Irish cream coffee blend.

Caffeine and other contents: There are six shots of three-bean Irish cream espresso in the blend, which packs a massive caffeine wallop -- one 1.5 ounce shot of espresso contains roughly 77 mg of caffeine, so we're looking at about 462 mg of caffeine in a 20 ounce cup of ER-911. The coffee also contains the Dutch Bros.' super-secret "Kick Me Mix," which we can't find any information about anywhere because, well, it's secret.

Caffeine kick: Substantial, even for someone with a high caffeine tolerance. Drinking just half of the 20 ounce ER-911 within a two hour period provides a noticeable boost in mental alertness and could probably make some people shaky. But if good taste and an almost overwhelming energy boost is your bag, dig in!

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Niki D'Andrea has covered subjects including drug culture, women's basketball, pirate radio stations, Scottsdale staycations, and fine wine. She has worked at both New Times and Phoenix Magazine, and is now a freelancer.
Contact: Niki D'Andrea