Prepare to be made pretty darn uncomfortable with one man's love for Doritos Locos tacos.
In an article for Vice titled "My Doritos Locos Tacos Gave Me a Boner," writer Joshua David Stein describes -- in particularly specific and sexually infused detail -- his experience with a trio of Doritos Locos tacos. It's sort of brilliant -- and also really, really weird.
The piece of writing tells how Stein purchases his precious tacos and proceeds to eat them:
" Each taco was sheathed with a cardboard sleeve chastity belt labeled, "Dorito." It was meant to protect my fingers from their flavor dust, but I wanted to be covered in their spice. I wanted the spice on my face -- spice in my face. I wanted it all over my fingers, embedded inside the crevices of my fingernails so that I could both lick and whiff the scent on my fingertips long after the encounter."
And if you think that's awkward, just wait until you get to the part where he described cheddar cheese as "the pubic hair of the milk Gods." The article takes "food porn" to a whole new level, basically making a taco-eating experience as sexual as humanly possible. In fact, we'll probably never be able to look at a taco the same way again.
If you haven't experienced these "gonzo, engorged, and gorgeous" tacos for yourself, you can check out our thoughts on the Fiery Doritos Locos Tacos and the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos. Oh and then don't forget about when things got totally out of control with the appearance of Doritos' Locos Tacos Doritos -- because Doritos taco-flavored Doritos chips was totally a necessary thing to invent.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.