Summer in Phoenix often feels like one long, hot screw in the desert sand and liquid asphalt. Everybody's running around sweating, panting, and ready for naps. Heat may be literal torture in the Valley of the Sun, but metaphorically, it's also very sensual.
The down side of having nine months of hot temperatures, though, is that there's really no reason to talk about the weather. It's always hot and sunny. Whoop-dee-doo.
But since living in an urban furnace always prompts us to be bitches about the heat, here are a dozen tacky pickup lines to share at the water cooler for at a few tepid laughs.
1. It's a hot hump day today in Arizona. But don't worry, it's a dry hump. (Thanks to Twitter user @SucittaM)
3. Hey, if you can't take the heat, get out of your clothes.
4. Don't sweat the petty things. Pet the sweaty things. (We saw this one on a T-shirt.)
5. Is that sunscreen in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
6. Want to compare tan lines, or just show me yours?
7. Screw me if I'm wrong, but it's freezing in Phoenix.
8. It's hotter than a rooster in a hen house! We should take the cock out.
9. The Arizona desert's full of cacti, but I've got the biggest prick.
10. I hope there's a fireman around, because you're smoking hot.
11. If it weren't for the Arizona sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
12. You look so hot that I could cook rice on you.
Have any favorite pickup lines about the heat? Share 'em in the comments.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.