Film and TV

Here's Every Terrible Thing That's Happened to James Marsden on Westworld, So Far

Westworld is a fantasy just few steps removed from the real world, a place where power is within your grasp and the way you exert your will is limited only by your imagination. Unless your name is James Marsden, in which case you’re a fuckpuppet put on standby until ready to be shot, sexed, or both at the same time, maybe.

Poor James Marsden, Hollywood’s perennial punching bag. He went from being shitted on in the X-Men franchise to being shitted on in 27 Dresses to being shitted on in Straw Dogs, and now he’s being shitted on in HBO’s newest hit.

The people behind the curtain hope for Westworld to be the successor to Game of Thrones, which means we might have many more years of James Marsden’s new character Teddy being shat on for our pleasure. Here’s every moment from the first season that shows Teddy’s suffering thus far. Obviously, there are spoilers ahead.


Shot by the Man in Black while trying to protect Delores
Westworld does that cute thing some pilots do where they set up a bunch of conventional staples for the genre, in this case a Western, before knocking everything down and setting the rubble on fire, ultimately revealing It Was A Robot All Along. Only they do it in the first 10 minutes.

Meet Teddy, the gunslinger with a mysterious past who’s finally returned to see the woman he loves. After the emotional reunion with Delores in the middle of town, they ride to her home only to find bandits have murdered her parents. Teddy dispatches the goons, and maybe things are on the up now.

But Teddy’s would-be heroic moment actually belongs to the introduction of the Man in Black, deftly portrayed by Ed Harris’ sentient collagen-filled lips. The subversion of archetypes and cliches makes the show’s concept crystal clear: Westworld is about control, choice, and consequence. And seeing James Marsden suffer.


Shot during the raid while trying to protect Delores
Pilot episodes are tricky in that a show has to sell the main hooks of the series without giving every secret away. Luckily, the people behind the cameras of Westworld found a way to tease a few mysteries while centralizing the show’s core concept: watching awful things happen to Teddy over and over again.

The first episode’s climax consists of a shootout in which Teddy gets shot, because of course he does. While he manages to keep Delores out of harm’s way, he still dies like a dog in the middle of the street.


Shot while toasting Maeve
Welcome to episode two. It’s almost over. Maybe you thought Teddy might escape this episode alive. Or perhaps the possibility of Teddy dying never crossed your mind at all. And with about 10 minutes left, boom, a random park-goer loses his cool and unloads a six-shooter into Teddy’s chest.

Teddy was just toasting with Maeve about their respective uncouth proclivities when the bastard shoots the glass out of his hands. He clutches for the bar in vain, then writhes with the impact of each subsequent bullet. Classic James Marsden!

Read on for more terrible things that happen to Teddy.
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Joseph Schmidt
Contact: Joseph Schmidt