Audio By Carbonatix
At the end of the week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert’s own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we’ll take care of the rest.
This week, we introduce the 50 best mugshots of 2014. Enjoy!
50.)
Charges: Aggravated assault on a minor, unlawful imprisonment, criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, possession of drug paraphernalia
Family man!
49.)
Charges: Identity theft, theft by obtaining a service without paying
Remember to incorporate fiber into your diet.
48.)
Charges: Assault, shoplifting
Dentists love him!
47.)
Charges: Disorderly conduct, possession of drug paraphernalia
Um, dude, there’s a soggy condom dangling from your eye.
46.)
Charges: Aggravated assault, burglary, failure to appear
Surprise colonoscopy!
45.)
Charges: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, criminal damage
WTF.
44.)
Charges: Failure to pay a fine
Arthur Fonzarelli.
43.)
Charges: Disorderly conduct
Pucker up, baby!
42.)
Charges: Criminal trespassing
That’s love, folks.
41.)
Charges: Assault
Look out for BulldogBatSpider!
40.)
Charges: Marijuana violation
Merman.
39.)
Charges: Criminal trespassing, possession of drug paraphernalia
Here’s a guy who probably doesn’t get a lot of job offers for customer-service positions.
38.)
Charges: Probation violation
Good Lord, this man is growing a Willie Nelson on his face!
37.)
Charges: Theft of transportation
Let’s not exclude the possibility that this guy is a radical environmentalist and his neck tattoo says “White Prius.”
36.)
Charges: Narcotic-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
It takes a while to see this one. At first, it looked like maybe someone farting in tall grass, until we noticed it’s actually an eagle with testicles for a beak, poking his head through a fence.
35.)
Charges: Failure to appear
Looks like someone’s turning 11 today!
34.)
Charges: Failure to register as a sex offender, marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Man, aren’t pocket watches classy? Oh dear, look at the time, it’s dollars o’clock.
33.)
Charges: Left: Escape, marijuana possession, Right: Disorderly conduct
Why is this a thing?
32.)
Charges: Possession of a weapon in a drug offense, marijuana possession
This is the Little Mermaid’s dad.
31.)
Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Good luck getting to bed tonight.
30.)
Charges: Aggravated DUI, criminal damage, hit-and-run with injury, endangerment, assault
Nana?
29.)
Charges: DUI, failure to show ID
That’s the kind of mullet you’ll only get to see deep in a trailer park on COPS.
28.)
Charges: Aggravated assault, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, disorderly conduct
Fonzie’s punk-ass grandson.
27.)
Charges: Threatening or intimidating with damage to property, disorderly conduct
So is this Weird Al, or not?
26.)
Charges: Burglary, possession of drugs in a drug-free zone, possession of drug paraphernalia
If the zombie apocalypse comes, look no further for patient zero.
25.)
Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, narcotic-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Pavarotti.
24.)
Charges: Disorderly conduct
Possibilities:
-Watching Jesus descend from the heavens
-Being abducted by UFO
-Both
23.)
Charges: Shoplifting
He who hath smelt it, dealt it.
22.)
Charges: Probation violation, failure to appear
Here’s a piece of advice: If you’re going to get a face tattoo of a word, look up that word in the dictionary first, or you might be in “troble.”
21.)
Charges: Resisting arrest with physical force
Who’s laughing now!? (Everyone.)
20.)
Charges: Criminal damage, theft, shoplifting, failure to appear, disorderly conduct
Is there even a word for this type of grin?
19.)
Charges: Possession of a weapon by a prohibited person, possession of drug paraphernalia, probation violation
Ya don’t say.
18.)
Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, narcotic-drug possession, marijuana violation, extreme DUI, failure to appear, assault
Rule number one about living in Phoenix: Don’t trust anyone wearing a raincoat.
17.)
Charges: Assault
Spoiler alert: “Bonafied” ain’t a word.
16.)
Charges: Not available
Beat this woman in a breath-holding contest, win a prize.
15.)
Charges: Failure to pay a fine
That’s a bear’s leg.
14.)
Charges: Marijuana possession for sale, marijuana production
Ah, yes, the old coil-of-dog-crap hairdo.
13.)
Charges: Not available
Is that a penis? (That’s what she said.)
12.)
Charges: Criminal trespassing, disorderly conduct
Seems accurate.
11.)
Charges: Not available
It’s always the wrong week to quit sniffin’ glue.
10.)
Charges: Probation violation
Acting credits:
–COPS, 1991: Alleged trailer park domestic-violence suspect
–COPS, 1994: Alleged theft of filet mignon, concealed in pants
–COPS, 1997: Nude LSD incident
9.)
Charges: Disorderly conduct
Don’t put your finger in an electrical outlet.
8.)
Charges: Shoplifting, possession of drug paraphernalia
Not sure if this guy fell asleep face-first into a notebook he was doodling on, or if that’s the world’s dumbest collection of forehead tattoos.
7.)
Charges: Aggravated assault
Your face. What.
6.)
Charges: Assault
That’s someone’s crazy ex-girlfriend.
5.)
Charges: Failure to appear
Happy camper.
4.)
Charges: Probation violation
3.)
Charges: Driving on a suspended license
Introducing, the Cadillac of inmates.
2.)
Charges: Criminal trespassing, possession of drug paraphernalia
Wow, so realistic.
1.)
Charges: Criminal trespassing
Happy New Year!
Love,
This Guy
Follow Valley Fever on Twitter at @ValleyFeverPHX.
