Top 50 Maricopa County Mugshots of 2014

At the end of the week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert’s own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we’ll take care of the rest.

This week, we introduce the 50 best mugshots of 2014. Enjoy!

50.)

Charges: Aggravated assault on a minor, unlawful imprisonment, criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, possession of drug paraphernalia
Family man!

49.)

Charges: Identity theft, theft by obtaining a service without paying
Remember to incorporate fiber into your diet.

48.)

Charges: Assault, shoplifting
Dentists love him!

47.)

Charges: Disorderly conduct, possession of drug paraphernalia
Um, dude, there’s a soggy condom dangling from your eye.

46.)

Charges: Aggravated assault, burglary, failure to appear
Surprise colonoscopy!

45.)

Charges: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, criminal damage
WTF.

44.)

Charges: Failure to pay a fine
Arthur Fonzarelli.

43.)

Charges: Disorderly conduct
Pucker up, baby!

42.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing
That’s love, folks.

41.)

Charges: Assault
Look out for BulldogBatSpider!

40.)

Charges: Marijuana violation
Merman.

39.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing, possession of drug paraphernalia
Here’s a guy who probably doesn’t get a lot of job offers for customer-service positions.

38.)

Charges: Probation violation
Good Lord, this man is growing a Willie Nelson on his face!

37.)

Charges: Theft of transportation
Let’s not exclude the possibility that this guy is a radical environmentalist and his neck tattoo says “White Prius.”

36.)

Charges: Narcotic-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
It takes a while to see this one. At first, it looked like maybe someone farting in tall grass, until we noticed it’s actually an eagle with testicles for a beak, poking his head through a fence.

35.)

Charges: Failure to appear
Looks like someone’s turning 11 today!

34.)

Charges: Failure to register as a sex offender, marijuana possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Man, aren’t pocket watches classy? Oh dear, look at the time, it’s dollars o’clock.

33.)

Charges: Left: Escape, marijuana possession, Right: Disorderly conduct
Why is this a thing?

32.)

Charges: Possession of a weapon in a drug offense, marijuana possession
This is the Little Mermaid’s dad.

31.)

Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Good luck getting to bed tonight.

30.)

Charges: Aggravated DUI, criminal damage, hit-and-run with injury, endangerment, assault
Nana?

29.)

Charges: DUI, failure to show ID
That’s the kind of mullet you’ll only get to see deep in a trailer park on COPS.

28.)

Charges: Aggravated assault, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, disorderly conduct
Fonzie’s punk-ass grandson.

27.)

Charges: Threatening or intimidating with damage to property, disorderly conduct
So is this Weird Al, or not?

26.)

Charges: Burglary, possession of drugs in a drug-free zone, possession of drug paraphernalia
If the zombie apocalypse comes, look no further for patient zero.

25.)

Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, narcotic-drug possession, possession of drug paraphernalia
Pavarotti.

24.)

Charges: Disorderly conduct
Possibilities:
-Watching Jesus descend from the heavens
-Being abducted by UFO
-Both

23.)

Charges: Shoplifting
He who hath smelt it, dealt it.

22.)

Charges: Probation violation, failure to appear
Here’s a piece of advice: If you’re going to get a face tattoo of a word, look up that word in the dictionary first, or you might be in “troble.”

21.)

Charges: Resisting arrest with physical force
Who’s laughing now!? (Everyone.)

20.)

Charges: Criminal damage, theft, shoplifting, failure to appear, disorderly conduct
Is there even a word for this type of grin?

19.)

Charges: Possession of a weapon by a prohibited person, possession of drug paraphernalia, probation violation
Ya don’t say.

18.)

Charges: Dangerous-drug possession, narcotic-drug possession, marijuana violation, extreme DUI, failure to appear, assault
Rule number one about living in Phoenix: Don’t trust anyone wearing a raincoat.

17.)

Charges: Assault
Spoiler alert: “Bonafied” ain’t a word.

16.)

Charges: Not available
Beat this woman in a breath-holding contest, win a prize.

15.)

Charges: Failure to pay a fine
That’s a bear’s leg.

14.)

Charges: Marijuana possession for sale, marijuana production
Ah, yes, the old coil-of-dog-crap hairdo.

13.)

Charges: Not available
Is that a penis? (That’s what she said.)

12.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing, disorderly conduct
Seems accurate.

11.)

Charges: Not available
It’s always the wrong week to quit sniffin’ glue.

10.)

Charges: Probation violation
Acting credits:
–COPS, 1991: Alleged trailer park domestic-violence suspect
–COPS, 1994: Alleged theft of filet mignon, concealed in pants
–COPS, 1997: Nude LSD incident

9.)

Charges: Disorderly conduct
Don’t put your finger in an electrical outlet.

8.)

Charges: Shoplifting, possession of drug paraphernalia
Not sure if this guy fell asleep face-first into a notebook he was doodling on, or if that’s the world’s dumbest collection of forehead tattoos.

7.)

Charges: Aggravated assault
Your face. What.

6.)

Charges: Assault
That’s someone’s crazy ex-girlfriend.

5.)

Charges: Failure to appear
Happy camper.

4.)

Charges: Probation violation

3.)

Charges: Driving on a suspended license
Introducing, the Cadillac of inmates.

2.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing, possession of drug paraphernalia
Wow, so realistic.

1.)

Charges: Criminal trespassing
Happy New Year!

Love,

This Guy

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