Plant Based

Every Flavor of Bitchin’ Sauce Almond Dip, Power Ranked

We got your Bitchin’ Sauce power ranking right here.
We got your Bitchin’ Sauce power ranking right here. Lauren Cusimano
click to enlarge We got your Bitchin’ Sauce power ranking right here. - LAUREN CUSIMANO
We got your Bitchin’ Sauce power ranking right here.
Lauren Cusimano
No, the vegan, gluten-free, kosher, and altogether badass Bitchin’ Sauce almond dip is not made in Arizona. Just a little further west, in Carlsbad, California. But these little tubs of joy have invaded our grocery stores and, for many of us, our fridges.

It's been a while since we’ve done a fun power ranking (remember the White Claw one? We don’t). At this time, Bitchin’ Sauce has 10 savory flavors and three sweet. Here’s where they stand, in order from worst to best.


10. Spinach Artichoke

Our least favorite. The spinach makes this dip a little too bitter, despite the hint of heat from the jalapeno. It was agreed this was a good party dip but compared to the other flavors, dead last.

9. Cilantro Chili

This was the flavor we were the most excited to try ... and the most disappointed by. It fell flat, despite the promise of zest and pretty colors, not to mention our personal love of cilantro. However, this would be excellent atop a bold-flavored taco.

click to enlarge Pictured: A few flavors and a few dipstruments. - LAUREN CUSIMANO
Pictured: A few flavors and a few dipstruments.
Lauren Cusimano

8. Roasted Green Chile & Pepita

For those who don’t give a shit about pumpkin spice lattes, this can be your anticipated fall thing. It's a heartier, more comforting dip. You get some autumnal taste from the roasted pepitas, and a little bit of heat from the roasted green chiles and jalapeno. But we would characterize this one as more seasoned than spicy.

7. Bombay

Coming in hot with that bright yellow color, this dip is definitely the best looking. It’s thicker, like spackle, and the mild Indian spices make it incredibly fragrant. The taste is curry-like, and it lingers. We suggest trying it on a wrap or sandwich of cold cuts. 

6. Pesto

It was obvious all along that this dip would edge toward the top of the flavor pile. Anyone who loves Italian fare would clutch their pearls over how well this vegan almond dip nails the pesto flavor. Put it on pasta.

5. Chipotle

This is one of the easier-to-find flavors of Bitchin’ Sauce for a reason. It’s smoky, Southwestern, bold, and goes well with any dipstrument — pretzel, celery stick, pork rind, etc. The “spices” in the list of ingredients must give this dip its heat, but the garlic and chipotles supply the flavor.

click to enlarge The top four Bitchin' boys. - LAUREN CUSIMANO
The top four Bitchin' boys.
Lauren Cusimano

4. Original

The gang at Bitchin’ Sauce HQ pretty much got it right the first time. This patient-zero sauce nicely blends lemon and garlic, with few other ingredients. It’s bright but savory and would go well with pita bread or fresh-cut vegetables — comparable to hummus, and a proper alternative to it as well.

3. Heat

You want the heater? They're not messing around with the cartoon flames on the lid; this flavor is actually hot. It’s pretty much the original flavor, but with a major kick of heat. Ingredients include habanero, Tabasco, and ghost pepper. It is for heat seekers.

2. Green Onion

Attention, anyone who’s ever demolished a bag of sour cream and onion chips in front of a bunch of people at a party: This minty-green dip blending sweet and savory is for you. Green onions, onion powder, garlic, lemon, salt, and pepper give this dip a sweet and overwhelmingly flavorful quality. A top flavor.

1. Buffalo

The only reason Buffalo wins out over green onion is that it contains all the elements that make Bitchin’ Sauce great. There’s heat (thanks to the red pepper and cayenne) and some holy-moly savory flavor (thanks to garlic, sea salt, and lemon juice). Wings fans will appreciate the vinegar’s tang as well. And somehow, there’s a whisper of blue cheese flavor — even though we’re not sure how they did it. Tippy top flavor.

click to enlarge How sweet it was. - LAUREN CUSIMANO
How sweet it was.
Lauren Cusimano

3. Chocolate

Almonds, cane sugar, cocoa, this chocolatey dip is a great vegan alternative for those missing a chocolate bar. It’s also 110 calories for two tablespoons. The consistency is thick and dark like brownie batter, and the taste is akin to chocolate icing.

2. Apple Pie

This was a surprising flavor. The dip is a consistency like an apple sauce, so that’s what you expect, but the taste is pure Kellogg's Apple Jacks. This is a toasty, cinnamon-packed, and autumnal flavor — great with hard pretzels.

1. Salted Caramel

For a second, apple pie edged out salted caramel, but we kept coming back to this dip. The texture is impressive — viscous and smooth and almost exactly like caramel syrup. The taste is as golden as its coloring. This is the best dessert dip they have.
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Lauren Cusimano is Phoenix New Times' food and drink editor. She is a journalist and food waste writer based in Tempe. Joys include eating wings, riding bikes, knowing everyone at the bar, talking too much about The Simpsons, and falling asleep while reading.
Contact: Lauren Cusimano