Black Friday is the quintessential American holiday. Finish stuffing your belly with turkey, take your least annoying cousin, and wait in line all night for another big screen TV. Or not.
If the day after Thanksgiving is an unrelenting, hyper-consumerist nightmare that plagues you on an annual basis, or you don't have money to spare on excessive electronics, head to these divey spots for peace and quiet — or at the very least, booze.
Brigett's Last Laugh17222 Cave Creek Road
Let the pours begin bright and early at 8 a.m. at Brigett's Last Laugh, north of Bell and Cave Creek roads. Lament the fact that people are physically fighting over Amazon Echos while you chug a cold one. Grub on a green chile quesadilla while you marvel at the collection of license plates and wonder where you could drive to escape the madness. Stay until 7 p.m. for trivia night, and you might just avoid the soccer moms crossing Frozen II dolls off their Christmas lists.
Jupe's2655 W Guadalupe Road #32, Mesa
Find your refuge at the edge of Mesa in a nondescript stucco building at Carriage Lane Plaza. Jupe's is a cash-only Vikings bar that's been around since the 1980s, back when you could go to a place "Where everybody knows your name / And they're always glad you came." Revel in the local glory and pick a tune on the jukebox. Play pool with a stranger while you take down a Coors Light, then another one because Jupe's is an honest man's bar — no food. Watch college football and shop online for something you'll donate to Goodwill by Christmas.
Dilly Dally Lounge3639 East Indian School Road
We named this place Best Dive Bar in 2017 for a reason. Dilly Dally Lounge is a dive bar by Arcadian standards — somewhat fancy, with a hint of wood paneling, bottom-shelf liquor, and of course, a fish tank. (Though the place used to be much grosser, in a good way.) Play darts solo while you consider standing in line to buy a deeply discounted darts set for the back of your bedroom door. Enjoy the heavy pours and yuppie-watching, then hop over to Zipp's next door to drown your sorrows in a basket of golden Zipp's wings.
Gracie's Tax Bar711 North Seventh Avenue
Sleep in 'till the late afternoon and meander into Gracie's Tax Bar anytime after 4 p.m. for cheap booze, hot nuts, and other sustenance. Keep your sweater on and hang out on the homey patio, or sip your vodka tonic indoors, while you gaze at a stuffed javelina head. Play an arcade or board game and text your friends for updates on their Target shenanigans. Make a meme about the chaos while you munch on some tots, then throw some in your pocket for later a la Napoleon Dynamite.
Marino's Cocktail Lounge6666 West Peoria Avenue, #104, Glendale
The sign out front reads "Cocktails" in capital, red-block letters, summoning anyone in search of an adult beverage as early as 6 a.m. There are darts, pool tables, cold beer, and an old-school cigarette machine at Marino's Cocktail Lounge. Karaoke begins at 9:30 p.m. on Friday nights, so save your energy for a Tina Turner ballad. Chat with a bartender about your plan to finally discover your ancestry, now that 23andMe is $20 off for the big day. Eat the slice of watermelon hanging from your glass. Buy a pack of Marlboros from the machine just to see how it works, then treat yourself to a few drawn out drags.
The Dirty Drummer2303 North 44th Street
When The Dirty Drummer reopened its 40-plus-year-old doors in May, it debuted a new parquet dance floor and darker, cozier vibes. Start on a pitcher of Guinness, then jive your heart out to jukebox beats. Happy hour is from 2 to 6 p.m. at The Dirty Drummer, and $4 off well drinks will have you feeling like you got a deal without climbing over a stranger to save $20 on Air Pods. Its proximity to Costco and Target might make parking tricky, so call a Lyft, order a fourth-pound Hebrew National, and plan to stay awhile.
The Well Bar2623 North Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale
Trade your $20 Scottsdale craft cocktails made by certified douchebag mixologists for this unfussy hangout. At the corner of Thomas and Scottsdale roads, The Well Bar is the perfect fix for anyone with no desire to buy shit they don't need. Power Hour is from 3 to 4 p.m., with $2 well drinks and domestic beers and $3 call drinks. Play golf as an arcade game (but why if you live in Scottsdale?) or head to the patio for some fresh air. Come back on Saturday to watch the Oregon Ducks throw around the old pigskin, and you'll be in good company.
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Time Out Lounge3129 South Mill Avenue, Tempe
Escape to this alcoholic paradise on the south side of Mill Avenue to find college kids, neighborhood regulars, and people recovering from spending 12 of the last 24 hours with almost all of their relatives. Since the bar started pouring in 1982, cheap thrills at Time Out Lounge have included arcade games, pool tables, and frat boy gazing. Reminisce over the Black Friday you almost died in pursuit of Tickle Me Elmo. You were young and stupid then, but oh, look how you've grown. Come back the next night with some friends for Punksgiving Weekend with The Bleed Outs, Family Secret, The Fed-Ups, and more.
The Nugget4130 North 83rd Avenue, #11
The Nugget, which has been around for over 20 years, sits in an unassuming strip mall at 83rd Avenue and Indian School Road. If you are looking for a hole in the wall, consider it found. The pours are generous, the people are local, and the pool tables are green. There's nothing fancy here, but that's exactly what you came for. Order a pitcher of Miller High Life and ponder whether you should run to Walmart and duke it out for an Instant Pot. When you realize it would be literally impossible to accomplish that feat, hail the bartender for another round.
TT Roadhouse2915 North 68th Street, Scottsdale
Don't be scared off by the Old Town address — there's no EDM music or bottle service here. Park your Harley out front (or fixed gear), pull up a forest green bar stool, and drink your heart out. All pints are $4 until 4 p.m. Monday through Friday, at TT Roadhouse, and the Draft Board sports ciders, ales, and IPAs, just to name a few. The jukebox's reputation precedes it, with tunes from The Clash, Ramones, and Misfits. Take out your quarters to queue some jams. Watch the cars zoom by to Scottsdale Fashion Square and do your best evil laugh at their naiveté. Consider splurging on Cyber Monday, so Jeff Bezos can use the money to make his creepy bald head even shinier. But for now, budget beer should do the trick.