By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
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BM: You gotta be on top of this, Ted.
TN: You know what I'm on top of? A real America with working-hard, playing-hard, white motherfuckin' shitkickers.
BM: Why do they have to be white? Aren't there any black shitkickers?
TN: Show me one!
BM: There's plenty. There's one named Russell Simmons.
TN: Ain't never heard of him!
BM: He's head of Def Jam Records. In fact, I heard that you told Russell you were a bigger nigger than he'll ever be.
TN: That's exactly what I said.
BM: Now what did you mean by that?
TN: I meant that I've got soul, that I don't resort to fuckin' electronic drumbeats, and I listen to James Brown and Wilson Pickett--those are niggers! Those are fuckin' spirited, genuine Afro-Americans.
BM: See, I still have a problem with this attitude.
TN: What attitude?
BM: Most people would call it racism, Ted.
TN: I'm not a racist by any stretch of the imagination.
BM: Then why do you equate shitkicking and real America with white people?
TN: Because the black guys with this rap, electronic, make-believe talentless music make me want to throw up! Where's the soul?
BM: Time out, Ted!
TN: Are you gonna let me answer a question or not?
BM: No, I'm gonna cut you off, 'cuz if you're an artist (Ted belches), why does the first paragraph of your latest press release say that your art is "designed to piss off liberals"? That's propaganda! Liberals and conservatives have nothing to do with it! I'm a conservative! I like your early music! Why don't you get back and jam like you fuckin' used to? Without all the cheesy--
TN: You've got 15--
BM: You've got electronic drums!
TN: Wait a minute, Bob, you've got 15 points. Which one do you want to talk about?
BM: (Laughs) You better start answering 'em all!
TN: Well, if you'd shut the fuck up, maybe I could!
BM: I'm sorry, sir, go ahead.
TN: You are pretty sorry. Let's go back to the shitkickers. I make my music. Do you know who can listen to it? And enjoy it? And buy it? Anybody. You grasp that, I suspect?
BM: I grasp the free market.
TN: All right, do you think I cater to anybody?
BM: I think you pander to the marketing impresarios and FM radio.
TN: Pander to what? How do I do that?
BM: You haven't played your heart out since this album (brandishes copy of the 1975 album titled simply Ted Nugent).
TN: That's not true.
BM: What happened after Double Live Gonzo? You started trying to live up to your shtick!
TN: No, no, no. Do you really want an answer to that, or are you going to go wild or something?
BM: Yes, of course I do!
TN: When I did Double Live Gonzo, I was going through--
BM: By the way, there's a rumor it was recorded in the studio.
TN: Double Live Gonzo? Nooo, the whole thing was live, that's why it sounds horrible. If we'd done it in the studio, at least they could have cleaned it up and got some good performances out of those fuckin' twits. I guess the bottom line is: We can circumvent everything from Double Live Gonzo right up until today, Bob, by telling you that you're absolutely right. Do you realize that most guitarists would give up their left nut to create the sonic identity that I had with the Byrdland? And do you know that I missed that, I didn't even grasp it for a couple of years?
BM: But what happened?
TN: I was on an adventure. My life is an adventure. For example, when I go hunting, I don't go to get meat. If I wanna get meat, it's a lot easier to go to the fuckin' store. You know what I'm after? Adventure. So I come home empty-handed. Now, but you say--
BM: You've even said that your best hunts are the ones when you come back without a kill. Does that irony not dawn on you?
TN: I didn't say that.
BM: Well, you said something close to it.
TN: Well, some of my best hunts were probably some of the ones where I didn't kill something, because of the people I was with--maybe my last hunt with my dad. So you can certainly grasp that. There's a spiritual dynamic that comes from the hunt. But let's get back to music. I'm in the middle of Tazmania studios right now, a studio I built, but I'm not producing this record. I'm capturing it.
BM: But is it going to sound rich and resonant and vibrant like the old days, or are you gonna have a lot of cheesy digital shit goin' on?
TN: Fuck all that stuff! All the digital--
BM: Ted, if that album comes out and sounds wack--
TN: Listen. Shut the fuck up! You ask a question, don't answer yourself.
BM: (Laughs) All right.
TN: I'm the fuckin' answerer, you're just the fuckin' weenie question guy. You get to write the questions 'cuz you don't know. I get to answer 'cuz I do know.