Courting Disaster

Is Your Outfit Making You Undateable?

Courting Disaster is Jackalope Ranch's weekly column of dating horror stories, observations, how-tos, and more by Katie Johnson. Names of ex-boyfriends, past hookups, and bad blind dates have been changed to protect the guilty.

Feel like you're giving off the wrong vibe? Well, we've got some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that it might not be you. The bad news is that it might be your entire wardrobe. Truth be told, we can't all agree on whether a particular fashion is hot or not -- the Bradley Cooper short shorts, Rihanna's diamond nipple dress, and whatever the hell Lena Dunham is sporting at any given moment.

See also: 50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch

But when it comes to the basics, the everyday staples that separate the boys from the girls, the bizarre from the basic, eBay has done its part to bring in the cold hard data. In an info graphic called Styling the Sexes, the online resale exchange surveyed 500 men and 500 women on the various mainstream styles.

EBay also asked an additional group of 150 people what words they would use to describe said articles of clothing. (To our amazement, the skinny tie was not associated with the words Mormon or missionary.)

Turns out, when it comes to gladiator sandals, jeggings, and exotic high heels, we really are a nation divided. These articles of women's clothing, as well as deep v-neck shirts, fashion sneakers, and plaid shirts on men, were more or less evenly loved and despised by both sexes, hovering somewhere in the 40 to 60 percent range on each side.

Other fashion statements, however, were a little more cut and dry. Ladies, we hate to break it to you, but men do not share your love of 1920s-style headbands, oversized handbags, and bug-eyed sunglasses. Come to think of it, throw all those aforementioned accessories together, and you may end up looking like a toddler playing dress-up.

As for the men, it seems women are bit more understanding about your clothing choices. Maybe too understanding. Sixty percent in favor of denim shorts on men? Forty-nine percent in support of god-awful fedoras? Ladies, raise your standards. For the love of god.

At least the survey showed that we can all agree that men's suspenders, bow ties, and skinny jeans should be burned immediately. Sorry, Urban Outfitters. Also, unless you're drop dead gorgeous, both sexes unanimously suggest that girls need to ditch the rompers, the overalls, and the high-waisted mom jeans.

Don't believe us? Check the results for yourself.

Then go check your closet.

Follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Katie Johnson
Contact: Katie Johnson