I had my wisdom teeth out last week, which meant a weekend full of popping pain pills, eating pudding, and of course, vegging out in front of the boob tube. Despite the advent of Hulu, Netflix and television on DVD, life without basic cable can still be a struggle.
Watching Simpsons reruns on CW 61 means you're going to have to sit through commercials, often really bad ones. Commercials with jingles that can get forcefully stuck in your head, leaving you unable to shake their hauntingly annoying melodies. What follows is five Phoenix commercials with five godawful jingles.
The Room Store used to have a longer jingle, one that would get so thoroughly get lodged so deep in your head you couldn't shake it. "We put it all together, to save you more, at the Room Store." They've shortened it to just the last bit, but that hasn't stopped the ghost of the whole song from lingering on.
This George Brazil ad wins for most unconsciously retro. The best part is that "air conditioning" can't fit in the jingle's intro, yet they just sort of cram it in there. This jingle sounds like a really bad 80s sitcom theme (which would require a whole other list).
Mr. Parker promises not to send the bumbling Melvin out to install your solar water heater, but I wish he would promise not to use that big band jingle that closes his commercials. You have to feel bad that somewhere out there, a songwriter is dutifully cashing his Parker and Sons jingle checks while bemoaning a jazz career misspent.
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Lerner and Rowe are the kings of batshit-kooky commercials. In their spots, Lerner (and occasionally Rowe) has flown helicopters, raced cars and have tossed pigs off buildings. Their blue screen antics are so off the wall, you feel like you're watching some sort of Adult Swim anti-comedy sketch courtesy of Tim and Eric.Their jingle is sort of hip-hoppy, and totally maddening.
Couldn't find a Metropolitan Mattress commercial, but Mesa's finest acoustic cover act, Four Dicks...Nine Balls do a charming rendition of the tune. You have to sit through some unfunny comedy (and homophobic jeers from the crowd), but once you get to the goods, you are reminded of how infectious (in a bad way) the jingle is.