Music News

Interview with the Vampire: Bryan Lightningrod Speaks, Further Creeps

​Oh, dear god. What have I done?

Last week I wrote about my discovery of 37-year-old Chandler "scene" creep Bryan Lightningrod. I mean, "97-year-old vampire from Cairo" Bryan Lightningrod. Whatever. Same difference.

The point is, he solicits fan photos, regardless of their nature, and posts them to his Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, official website... Um, let's say Friendster? And Xanga? The dude is on every social networking site ever created, and plenty of those photos happen to be of half naked young girls.

We decided to give Count Lightningrod a chance at explaining his actions. After all, there's probably a justifiable reason for all of this jail bait smut, right?


We gabbed in an e-mail about ethics, boners and the semantics of being a "cunt." (He still considers me one, as he mentioned in the first blog's comment section, although he says he "won't hold it against me." I'll take it!) 

Up On the Sun: Tell us a little bit about the show you have coming up on Sunday. What can people who attend expect?
Bryan Lightningrod: My performance on Sunday, August 21st at The Rhythm Room will be the live debut of the genre of  "Lightningrod." I will be accompanied by DJ Solo One and I have two go-go dancers lined up to dance, but don't be surprised if you don't see them there.
They are really sexy but I have trouble getting the sluts to show up to things.

I hope that the club's sound system will be able to express the deep bass lines within my music. You cannot fully appreciate my music on a laptop or headphones. It is best sampled in a massive PA System. My tracks contain sub frequency bass that when played on an adequate subwoofer will envelope your body and urge you to celebrate.

I did a little research about you, and I found what I think is your real name and age. Bryan Henning, age 37. Is that true?

Sorry I don't understand this question. My real name is Bryan Lightningrod and I am 97, almost 98.
Obviously the video for "Give it to Me" sparked a lot of controversy, even before I wrote about it. How old were the girls in your video? Did you ask permission to film them? 

I will not reveal the exact age of the girls in the video. I did recieve permission from the [Town] of Gilbert to film at [the] Freestone Park skate park area.  As far as the question regarding the knowledge of filming, I would like to leave that as a mystery within the mind of the audience of the video. Personally, I think it is quite obvious.

Why take so many shots of their butts? I don't think I've ever seen so many ass shots in a music video. That includes rap videos.

I really do not understand why people talk about the girls' butts so much. Personally, I think people that focus on the girls' butts did not watch the entire video because there is so much more going on in the video. The video is approximately 90 percent pictures of my face and body, but barely anyone ever says anything about that. Last time I checked every female has a butt and if you are filming from behind them their butt is gonna be in the shot. By the way, skater girls are sexy as hell, aren't they?
Do you feel like you're doing anything morally questionable by posting and receiving scantily clad pictures of young girls?

Any fan of mine is encouraged to send me a picture. I ask them to write my name on their body so I know they took it for me. It proves to me and the world [that] they are a real person a real fan of mine, and not just some random picture of an anonymous person taken off the internet or some fucking paid model. I will post anyone's picture that does it. They could be an infant to an octogenarian and I will use it. [It] just so happens a lot of my fans are really sexy ass 13 [to] 16 [year old] teenagers. I got pictures from guys, too, just not as many. I do not discriminate based on age, sex, or sexual orientation, unlike many unconstitutional laws that exist in the United States. The girls make the picture any way they want. A lot of them make their pictures really sexy. I think it turns them on to try to give me [a] boner.

There's an ongoing debate between myself and music editor Jason Woodbury that you might not be totally serious about what you're doing. I think you are. He thinks you're doing it as some sort of social satire. Care to elaborate?

Well whenever I write a song I usually play it for my mentally ill schizophrenic brother, and he always says "So is that supposed to be funny, or like a joke?" I usually reply something to the affect of "I think a lot of people will probably think that it is funny or supposed to be kind of a joke, which is cool but to me it's serious." If someone takes my music as satire and gets a kick out of it that is perfectly fine with me and I am happy for it. If someone takes it seriously and gets really pissed off at me for making it because they do not like my point of view, that is just as good to me. If someone hears the depth of my heart within my music and comes to know me as a vampire/person then I am thrilled!

What exactly makes you a vampire? 

I became a vampire while exploring a pyramid in Egypt. I was bitten by a vampire bat

Are you really from Egypt? When did you come to The States and why?

I am from Cairo. I came to the United States during the Great Depression shortly after becoming a vampire. At that time I had recently become a vampire and told only a few close friends, but word spread and I soon realized that vampires were hated and persecuted by many people. I had to escape to a land where no one knew my true identity, or face torment and captivity.

Can you explain the inspiration behind the lyrics for "Ain't Gota Tell Your Momma?"

I was asked by a very young scene girl, [who] I was having a very intense relationship with and truly loved, to write a song for her. "Ain't Gota Tell Your Momma" is the song that I wrote for her. It basically means that she doesn't have to tell her mom about our relationship or me being a vampire, and I will be ok with her keeping it a secret. Alas, she did not like the song and dumped me after she heard it because she really doesn't like rap. I was deeply hurt but we have since remained close friends.

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Christina Caldwell