FTW? Here’s what ChatGPT predicts for Phoenix’s pro sports teams

If AI technologies such as ChatGPT will one day rule the world, we may as well use their capabilities for our benefit while we still cling to control.

With that thought in mind, Phoenix New Times recently concluded that the best way to interact with the future of everything was to ask how the sports landscape will unfold for Phoenix in 2024.

Checkmate, AI! Like Marty McFly in "Back to the Future," we're gaming the system for our benefit.

Well, not really. But since ChatGPT already roasted metro Phoenix's various cities, we were curious what it had to say about how 2024 will play out for the Valley's professional sports teams. If we're being honest, the results were borderline concerning but impressive nonetheless.

Arizona Cardinals: Draft clues?

The Arizona Cardinals have the fourth selection in this year's NFL Draft, which starts April 25. Chat GPT seems to be predicting the team will select a player many mock drafts have them taking: Joe Alt, an offensive tackle from Notre Dame.

Cardinals fans will undoubtedly love it if Ohio State wide receiver Marvin Harrison Jr. slips into the Cardinals' slot. Still, most believe the generational talent and son of Hall of Fame Indianapolis Colts receiver Marvin Harrison will be off the board when NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell puts the Cardinals on the clock.

Phoenix Rising: Pain on deck?

What could Phoenix Rising be this upset about? The team, after all, opened its 2024 campaign on March 16 just months after winning the USL Championship. Chat GPT doesn't provide context, but what upsets us most is a player lying on the ground, clearly injured.

We hope that when the season ends in October, it will not include this much agony.

Phoenix Suns: Celebration on deck

Don't play with our emotions, AI overlords. We're picking up what you're putting down, and it seems as if the Phoenix Suns have some Phoenix fun in their not-so-distant future.

The above image was the result of asking ChatGPT what the end of the Suns' season would look like if the team made the NBA Finals — a big if. The image is a sight for sore eyes for those Suns fans not feeling so great about the changes of Kevin Durant, Devin Booker and Bradley Beal once the playoffs roll around in April.

Arizona Coyotes: Devastation

Whatever happened to the Arizona Coyotes in the image ChatGPT provided looks bleak. We asked how the NHL team's season will end. The result doesn't look positive — unless everyone is exhausted from celebrating a Stanley Cup Finals win.

In the image, the other team seems to have hit the showers. That's a good sign if the Coyotes won or a bad sign if they wanted to get into the locker room to celebrate. Whatever the case, this image is creeping us out.

Arizona Diamondbacks: Revenge

Some of the responses to our questions are mysterious and only evoke more inquiries. Still, we're having no trouble picking up what ChatGPT says the Arizona Diamondbacks have in store in 2024.

AI is telling us the Diamondbacks will win the World Series. Taking home the title would be exactly what the doctor ordered for a franchise coming off a thrilling campaign that ended in Game 5 at the hands of the Texas Rangers in last year's title series.

Phoenix Mercury: Practice?

We ask ChatGPT the same question a million times, hoping to get an image that fits our objectives. But we didn't do that.

Instead, we inquired about how the Phoenix Mercury season would begin. ChatGPT told us the team will begin with a scrimmage against themselves in front of a packed house full of fans stoked to watch the WNBA back in action. According to AI, the Mercury added some serious size this offseason. Specifically, it seems as though they have three 7-footers on the court — a WNBA record, certainly.  The season opens May 14.