Five Tips for Former Tucson CFO on How to Make a Real Apology Video After You Bully a Chick-fil-A Drive-Thru Employee Who Makes a Fraction of Your Salary

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See also: Chick-fil-A "Kiss-In" Protest Today: Puckering Up for Gay Rights See also: Seven Hate-Free Chicken Sandwiches in Metro Phoenix

Seems like last Wednesday's Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, a planned event to support the company after its CEO, Dan Cathy, stated that his company opposes gay marriage, also turned the power on in a Tucson man's bat-shit factory.

Last week, Adam Smith, CFO of the Arizona-based medical device manufacturer Vante Inc., was canned from his cushy corporate gig after posting a You Tube video showing him bullying one of the restaurant's drive-thru workers on Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day. In the video, Smith is heard saying things like, "I don't know how you live with yourself and work here," and that he was ordering water because "Chick-fil-A is a hateful corporation."

Now, in an attempt to justify his actions, continue to make an ass of himself, never stop talking, reach out to Rachel, the unfortunate Tucson drive-thru worker on the receiving end of the tongue-lashing, Smith has issued a seven-minute, 48-second "apology" video on YouTube.

And surprise, surprise, no one's buying it. Even the worldwide interweb ain't havin' it, judging by the comments and number of page dislikes.

Here are five tips for Smith on what would have made it better.

5.)"You should know that I never planned to say the things I said to you that day, and how I said them."

Tip: When you are actually apologizing to someone, they don't care about your sorry-ass "here's why" backstory. Save that drama for your mama and concentrate on what actually went down.

4.) "I couldn't believe the number of people who came out to support a corporation that associates themselves with anti-gay groups, like Exodus International and the American Family Association."

Tip: When you are actually apologizing to someone, don't use the time as another opportunity to attack your beratee's employer. She already knows her job sucks. After all, she works in fast food.

3.) "I came to your store to see how you were doing. I was genuinely concerned for you. I felt so bad for you. But I totally understand why you didn't want to talk. I deserve the silent treatment."

Tip: When you are actually apologizing to someone, it's probably a good idea not to accuse your bullying victim of giving you the silent treatment while you get to play Marty the martyr. News flash: She's not giving you the silent treatment; she's avoiding you because you are cray-cray.

2.) "After recording the conversation, my enthusiasm in standing up against Chick-fil-A was very high, and in that moment, I decided to post the video. For me, and at that moment, the main goal of supporting the gay community outweighed the collateral damage that Rachel became. And I literally just saw Rachel as collateral damage."

Tip: When you're really apologizing to someone via video (and apparently in the room where they put the ugly wall decor) don't lose track of what you were originally intending to do (Hint: APOLOGIZE) by, once again, talking about yourself. Save the cleansing-of-the-soul moments for the talk shows.

1.) "Good luck in your future. Your peacefulness will take you a long way."

Tip: Wha-wha-what? Good luck? Peacefulness? You'd think a guy who is was pulling down CFO coin could do better than "good luck" as an apology. Hey, rich person, your reach-in-your-pockets-dumbass phone is ringing. Pick it up and give this young woman who had to listen to your mad wack while making a fraction of your fat-ass salary a vacation, college courses, a trust fund -- hell, anything to get her farther away from you and fast food.

(Via: The Inquisitr)

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