Oh, white people: They sure love turning other cultures’ holidays into an excuse to tie one on. But maybe you don’t wanna take your chances on the streets during Cinco de Mayo, one the Valley’s favorite amateur-drunk nights? We can’t say we blame ya. A better option might be to host a little house party and play a round of “Drinco de Gringo,” New Times
’ newfangled Cinco-themed board game. You provide the playing pieces (coins will do in a pinch), a die, and the various eats and drinks you’ll find mentioned above. We provide the game board. Collect your guests’ car keys and enjoy.
Start at the Curios Shop. Each player takes a turn rolling the die. Move your piece the rolled number of squares, proceeding counterclockwise around the game path, following any instructions on the square you land on. Literally. Those players identifying as female should detour through the “Señoritas” room. Ditto the boys with “Señors.” After making three (3) complete trips around the board, you then begin making trips up the path toward the winner’s circle. You must land in the winner’s circle on an exact roll to complete the game. If you do not hit an exact roll, you bounce out and make the trip around the board once again. The game play ends when all players have either finished the game or passed out cold. Good luck!
Public Service Announcement:
Illustrations by Luster Kaboom
Should you choose to partake in the various Cinco celebrations around the Valley, do both yourself and the rest of us a favor and use Uber, Lyft, a cab, or a designated driver. Gracias
Be sure to read Patricia Escarcega's related essay, Cinco de Mayo is Kind of a Bullshit Holiday, But Does It Even Matter?