Audio By Carbonatix
Joe Arpaio’s Tent City, where the sheriff sends overflow from the Madison Street Jail, is the most colorful local encampment since the last Grateful Dead show. Sure, the prisoners get a littly chilly at night. And fine, June afternoons get a tad warm. But this is one county that will mollycoddle its crooks no longer! Short of sticking up a liquor store, there’s been no way for citizens to review the sheriff’s visionary solution to jail overcrowding. Until now.
Coupling our own considerable stable of sources within county government with an image captured by the high-resolution photographic equipment flying aboard the COMSAT XX-4125 satellite (currently orbiting directly above Sun City West), New Times has been able to assemble–for the first time–a detailed view of Camp Arpaio.
Hoop court for Phoenix Suns forwards.
The Cooler.
Expansion area for future perps busted at drug checkpoints.
Office of frisking.
Klink’s office.
Tennis court for S&L crooks.
Halfway tent.
CAP canal for canoe races.
Infirmary for radiation testing.
Water park with wave pool.
Tom Agnos Memorial Confessional.
Softball field (land donated by John F. Long).
Handicrafts tent.
Constitutional law library.
The Slammer.
ASU Law School recruiting station.
Theta Delta Chi house.
AzScam wing.
Nature trail.
Movie theatre for continuous Bambi screenings.
The Longest Yard.
Cigarette brokerage.
Birdman.
Readers’ Digest reading room.
Interrogation room. Interrogation room. Interrogation room. Interrogation room. Interrogation room. Interrogation room. Putting green.
Prisoner without a name. Celebrity tent (reserved for Fife Symington).
The Hoosegow.
He shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Campfire for evening sing-alongs.
Meat-loaf-only mess hall.
Deadbeat dads’ foosball room.
Relaxing therapy pool.
Hot dog stand.
Ol’ Sparky.
Giovanni Viglioto/Jerry Hill Memorial Wedding Chapel.
Joseph Stedino Center for the Performing Arts.
ATM.
Death row for prisoners caught with copies of Playboy.
Maximum-security area for people who removed mattress tags.
Club 902 alumni lounge.
Special cell for governmental PR weasels who impersonate citizens on talk radio.
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms assault drill area.
Wall safe where Rick Romley’s Keating contributions are kept.
Work farm for litterbugs.
Gulag area for people caught smoking pot at rock concerts.
Observation tower for bungee jumping.
Perimeter wall for graffiti artists.
Geology Club tunnel.
Cell without a number.
The sound of the men working on a chain gang.
RV hookups for snowbird social-security cheats.
Jack-in-the Box.
Roadrunner.
Coyote.
Moose.
Squirrel.
NRA skeet range.
Bob Crane Memorial Photo Lab.
Jumpsuit tailor.
Otis’ cell.
Barney’s desk.
Waldo.
Barbershop for Fresh Fish Special haircuts.
No. 3, the cutest jailbird you ever did see.
Orange Julius.
Incorrigible recidivists.
Other amenities.
Railroad tracks.
Hooters.
The wrongly accused.
Towel-fight area.
Off-track-betting outlet.
Tabernacle-size pre-arraignment holding area.
Blimpie’s.
Circle K clerks who got caught taking bites out of microwave burritos.
Dudes who tried to deduct their own penis-enlargement operations.
Gangsta-rap recording studio.
Library: Book-return dates strictly enforced!
Future launching pad for Arpaio-in-the-sky presold Space Venture flights.
Chin-strap factory for law enforcement toupees.
Dick Godbehere’s Institute of Lawn-mower Repair.
Gallows.
The ol’ ball and chain.
They wuz framed.
Bureau for body-cavity searches, where they ain’t seen the sunshine since they don’t know when.
The Name of the Place Is I Like It Like That.
Facilities
Mess tent
(put adjacent to)
Shingle repository
(put adjacent to)
Latrines
