Vibrators have come a long way since Dr. Joseph Mortimer Granville patented the first one around 1880. Gone are the days when women had to plug their sex toys into the wall and hope the cord would reach the closet -- these are the days of glow-in-the-dark, 27-setting, waterproof, music-playing dildos with wireless Internet capability. Rowr.
And that's only the beginning. Bad Dragon, a sex toy manufacturer based here in Phoenix, really pushes the envelope, offering a variety of phalluses based on the genitals of animals (both real and fantastical). Customers can order such oddities as "The Orkin," "The Gryphon" (in three sizes), and "Razor the Doberman."
Unbelievably, Bad Dragon's products are just a few of the more bizarre sex toys to hit the market in recent years. From artificial hymens to flashing disco dongs, here's our countdown of the "10 Most Bizarre Sex Toys."10. Hizamakura's Lap Pillow: This product provides comfort for users, in the form of a woman's lap. Vagina not included.
Check out the other nine after the jump. (Needless to say, the following photos and descriptions are NSFW.)
9. Pink Vibrating Scrubby Brush: For women who like to take reeeaally long showers.
8. Disco Dong: Complete with flashing lights in the "head." No soundtrack, unfortunately, but an old 45 of "Funkytown" or "Le Freak" should suffice.
7. 25K Vibro Ring: The perfect toy for the discriminating woman -- except that it looks like something that came out of a Cracker Jack box.
6. Flowering Anal Jewelry: This three-inch long, solid steel butt plug features a gold-plated flower pattern on the end. Seems like a lot of artistry for something that's going up people's asses.
5. Fleshlight: Just as some women need the 25k Vibro Ring for portability, some men apparently need a fake vagina in the shape of a flash light. A male sex toy based on tools was probably inevitable; thankfully, rubber chainsaw vaginas didn't cut the mustard.
4. Kaylani's Foot Fetish: Why bother with a regular old foot when you can buy a prosthetic foot with a vagina on the side? And it won't even kick you in the face if you try to suck its toes.
3. Mr. Jack with Moustache: This toy is a non-vibrating mouth with a long, dark moustache and noduled throat. Perfect for men who fantasize about getting a blow job from Frederich Nietzsche or Josef Stalin.
2. Nanny Cam: Brings whole new meaning to the phrase, "If you could see inside me..." This gadget is a micro-camera/vibrator combo which can be inserted into orifices to record things. It supposedly easily plugs into TVs and VCR's for a whole new kind of viewing experience - and not, we suspect, one that is very pretty or sexy.
1. Gigimodo's Artificial Hymen: Egyptian officials banned this product in their country last year. Apparently, they were worried that this plastic bag filled with fake blood could be used by women who'd had sex before marriage to "trick" their husbands into thinking they were virgins. We're not sure what its purposes in the U.S. might be, except to fetishists and pervs.
