Comedy

Five Neil Hamburger Jokes to Tell at Your Own Risk

Neil Hamburger's set at Crescent Ballroom last night was precisely what the crowd wanted: The suited and combed-over comic (the alter ego of Gregg Turkington) went on a high-energy roll, churning through offensive pop culture jokes with unexpected, often shocking, punchlines, with plenty of mucousy throat clearing.

"I've been diagnosed with a case of funny guy-itis," Hamburger said in his trademark stop-and-start drawl, going on to explain that it was, in fact, contagious. And, while America's Funnyman was in top form, he was also in one seriously saucy mood.  He kicked out a man in the audience he dubbed "Mr. Pig, Mr. Garbage" who was being obnoxious, and then detailed his plans to murder another audience member in the parking lot behind the venue.

But the fresh jokes were what left a good chunk of the audience laughing hard. (His greatest hits section was, of course, great, but we've heard the Madonna and Smash Mouth material a few times before.)

See five of our favorite jokes from last night after the jump. Read/repeat at your own risk.

5. Knock knock
Who's there?
Which.
Which who?
Which one of you sold the bad drugs that killed the lead singer of Blind Melon?

4. What was the question most often asked during the broadcasting career of Larry King?
Should I be concerned about the blood in my diarrhea?

3. What's the worst thing about Fred Durst's herpes?
His music.

2. What's the worst part about being gang raped by Crosby, Stills, and Nash?

No Young.

1. Why did the sexual deviant love hummus so much?
The chick pees.

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Becky Bartkowski is an award-winning journalist and the arts and music editor at New Times, where she writes about art, fashion, and pop culture.
Contact: Becky Bartkowski