4
| Comedy |

Five Neil Hamburger Jokes to Tell at Your Own Risk

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

Neil Hamburger's set at Crescent Ballroom last night was precisely what the crowd wanted: The suited and combed-over comic (the alter ego of Gregg Turkington) went on a high-energy roll, churning through offensive pop culture jokes with unexpected, often shocking, punchlines, with plenty of mucousy throat clearing.

"I've been diagnosed with a case of funny guy-itis," Hamburger said in his trademark stop-and-start drawl, going on to explain that it was, in fact, contagious. And, while America's Funnyman was in top form, he was also in one seriously saucy mood.  He kicked out a man in the audience he dubbed "Mr. Pig, Mr. Garbage" who was being obnoxious, and then detailed his plans to murder another audience member in the parking lot behind the venue.

But the fresh jokes were what left a good chunk of the audience laughing hard. (His greatest hits section was, of course, great, but we've heard the Madonna and Smash Mouth material a few times before.)

See five of our favorite jokes from last night after the jump. Read/repeat at your own risk.

5. Knock knock
Who's there?
Which.
Which who?
Which one of you sold the bad drugs that killed the lead singer of Blind Melon?

4. What was the question most often asked during the broadcasting career of Larry King?
Should I be concerned about the blood in my diarrhea?

3. What's the worst thing about Fred Durst's herpes?
His music.

2. What's the worst part about being gang raped by Crosby, Stills, and Nash?

No Young.

1. Why did the sexual deviant love hummus so much?
The chick pees.

Follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook and Twitter.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.