4
| Lists |

The 7 Sexiest Mustaches Ever

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

Well, mother-stachers, it's officially Movember. Toss out your razors, trimmers, and any excuse for facial grooming. For the next 30 days, that patchy, scraggly lip fringe is free to grow, catch crumbs, and (in all likelihood) repel ladies.

However, face fuzz isn't automatically unsexy. So, we figured we'd assist you in this month-long whiskered endeavor. Here are the sexiest mustaches of ever in the universe and their owners -- real, imagined, or otherwise. Imitate with caution. You're welcome.

See also: - Five Sure Signs the Mustache Trend Needs to Die (Please) - Seven of Music's Most Beautiful Mustaches to Inspire Your Mustache Movember Growth - It's Have Sex With a Guy With a Mustache Day

Tom Selleck We all know Tom Selleck is a hottie with a body. But his all-man mustache consistently steals the show, boasting its own Facebook page and inspiring the cinematic theory that its bushy presence automatically improves the quality of a film.

Ron Swanson Whenever we play Fuck-Marry-Kill with Parks and Recreation characters (it happens more than you'd estimate), Mr. Swanson always is awarded the "F." Why? One word: Mustache. If you should choose to pursue this brand of facial fur, do check out The Believer's recent chat with Nick Offerman, who plays Swanson, in which he discusses 'stache maintenance.

Snidely Whiplash Maybe it's Snidely's penchant for bondage (dude was really into tying girls to railroad tracks) that makes him so seductive, but the baddie's mustache comes is a close second.

Prince Prince could do just about anything and still be sexy. Lucky for us, The Artist has mastered the art of barely-there bristles.

Salvador Dali So long. So pointy. So good.

Ron Burgundy Go fuck yourself, San Diego. Ron's 'stache is kind of a big deal.

Burt Reynolds In the Selleck-style family of upper lip décor, Burt Reynolds' nose bush is almost too masculine to handle. But, good gawd we'll try.

Follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.