10 Tips for Dating a Musician
Jim Adkins of Jimmy Eat World: "Accept wholly who they are"
Ah, musicians. They're a special breed. They find emotional releases in writing melodies, they turn their personal lives into song lyrics, and they have to try to make relationships work despite groupie onslaughts and the airing out of their dirty laundry on stage.
The things that make them attractive -- they're hyper-creative, completely dedicated to their craft and uber-talented -- can also make them hard to be coupled with. But, if you know certain things going into a relationship with a musician, it can make you better prepared to weather the panties thrown on stage, the misery they'll feel when only three people are in the crowd, and the hours on end they'll need to themselves to hone their art.
Here are 10 tips, brought to you by local artists, to help you acclimate to the harsh realities of dating a musician.
10. Remember they're an artist, so they might be on -- or embrace -- emotional roller coasters.
"There is a slim-to-zero chance your musician interest will have their shit together on an emotional level," says Jimmy Eat World singer/guitarist Jim Adkins, getting ready for a world tour this month. "That's why they search themselves to communicate in a creative way. Advice I would give in that situation is what I would tell anyone pursuing a relationship: Get honest with yourself about who you are. Accept wholly who they are. Romanticizing above that is only building expectations. And, expectations are only premeditated resentments."
Nicole Laurenne of The Love Me Nots
Susan Jordan Anderson
9. Don't freak out while they're on tour.
"When your man is away on tour, it's probably not crazy backstage parties filled with groupies," says Chan Redfield, singer/guitarist of The Dead Eyes of London, performing Thursday, May 29 at Last Exit Live. "Rest easy knowing he's probably just sitting around waiting. Tour is the definition of 'hurry up and wait.' Waiting in parking lots, waiting to unload your gear, waiting for the sound guy to show up, waiting to play, waiting to be paid, waiting for the five bands before you to stop playing because you just found out you're going on last, which probably looks to be around 1:30 a.m., not 10 p.m. like you were promised." 8. Make sure your trust is in intact.
"Be prepared for everyone to hit on your significant other at live shows," says Jeremy Parker, a local producer currently working on Godsmack's new album, and who also produced the new album for local band Bear Ghosts. "Regardless of your trust level, the general public doesn't care about the commitment level of your relationship or even whether you're disrespected."
7. Get used to hearing random singing -- from random places, too.
"Don't worry about the strange moans from the shower," says Maddie Miller, vocalist and synth and percussion player for Bogan Via. "Those are just vocal warmups!"
6. Make sure you like the music.
"If you do not like his/her music, but you cannot help yourself because love is in the air, lie," says singer Miss Krystle, who is working on a live video for her songs "Unforgettable" and "Don't Leave."
5. Be OK with being fodder for band gossip.
"Band guys talk to other band guys," says Harper Lines, singer of Harper and the Moths, who play this Saturday, May 10 at Yucca Tap Room. "We all know who's slept with who and what ailments you have."
4. Musicians get sweaty -- learn to accept it.
"He'll only smell as good as his drummer," says Nicole Laurenne, singer/organist for The Love Me Nots, who play Wednesday, July 16, at Rhythm Room in Phoenix. "And, if he's the drummer, enough said. Consider yourself warned."
3. Accept their band as another job.
"Playing in a band is like having another job, and it requires a lot of time and energy like a job would," says Nathan Ahles, guitarist for Your Young, who are working on new material to record this summer. "Late practices, long days at the studio, traveling, band meetings and altogether spending a lot of time with the band are all a large and normal part of playing music professionally. It's part of job - don't take it personally." 2. Give them their space after a show...
"Don't get angry or try to compete for attention after a live performance," Lines says. "Part of being a musician is the social aspect, and it'd be rude to ignore people who genuinely appreciate what he just did on stage because you have insecurity issues and feel the need to fight for attention, only to get drunk and upset about it later."
1. ...But don't let them make you pretend you're a stranger.
"If you get any sort of malarky story like, 'I love you, and I'm totally committed, but I need to appear single to not limit my fan base,' dump them immediately," Parker says. "Or, get used to sharing yours with every band slut"
Have you braved the wild and dated a musician? Add your tip in the comments.
Find any show in Metro Phoenix via our extensive online concert calendar.
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.