Let's not pussyfoot around. We all know that lingerie's function is to spur, enhance, and spice up your sexual encounters.
That's why we weren't at all surprised when we heard that burlesque beaut Dita Von Teese was releasing a line of naughty negligees through collab-crazed Target. (We recently reviewed Jason Wu's diffusion line for the retailer.)
But, before you get your lacy panties in a bunch while unsuccessfully searching for Von Teese's pin-up pretties, ranging from $19 thongs to $145 for a chemise, at your neighborhood big box shop, take note: It's only available in Australia -- for now anyway. The line is set to expand globally over the next year.
And that means we have plenty of time to pick apart the Von Follies collection of bustiers, bras, and bottoms.
4 Things We Wouldn't Be Caught In Half Naked
1. Blue-Black Stretch Lace Full Briefs: We will never, ever accept granny panties as legitimately sexy. Unless you're into grannies? Apart from how massive and belly-button-surpassing this pair is, if you don't happen to have a tiny 21-inch waist (like the Queen of Burlesque herself), these big ol' bloomers will, undoubtedly, accentuate to your muffin top.
2. Animal Print Fitted Chemise: We are crazy for leopard print in small doses. But large blocks of the wild pattern can look garish. Kind of like this.
3. Animal Print Suspender: There's a reason ladies don't wear garters, suspenders, and thigh-highs with much (if any) regularity anymore. And that's because, in spite of their come-hither design, they're a genuine pain in the ass.
4. Blue-Black Stretch Lace Balconette Bra: Frilly underthings can be fun, but not when they're impossible to hide under your clothes. Nobody at your office wants to see your froufrou bra trim popping out from under your button-down. (Okay, maybe that one really creepy guy would.)
5 Things We Wish Were in Our Undie Drawer
1. Blue-Black Stretch Lace Bustier: Quite possibly our favorite Von Follies item, this bustier blends Von Teese's '50s sensibilities with modern wearability in cut, color, and detail.
2. Red-Black Eyelash Lace Balconette Bra: Va-va-voom. Need we say more?
3. Animal Print G-String: If this doesn't get your significant other's pulse racing, call 911. Because he is dead.
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4. Black Fishnet Bra: A super-seductive bra that you could wear every day. That's all we really want in life, right?
5. Black Fishnet Briefs: From the front these unmentionables look, dare we say, tame. But turn 'em around and you've got a sheer rear view. Cheeky.
See all of Dita Von Teese's Von Follies collection here.