Playwright Oscar Wilde once quipped, "Work is the curse of the drinking class," and we're inclined to agree with the swishy scribe, especially when it comes to this year's St. Patrick's Day. Since the annual exercise in alcohol excess falls on a weekday, you'd better have a sick day up your sleeve, unless clocking in come Friday morn' with a Blarney-stone-size hangover is your bag, baby. But with so many joints wanting to get in on the action by offering grody green beer or overcooked corned beef and cabbage, you might also need the luck of the Irish to find all the primo parties. Or you could peep our listings of select events going down on Thursday, March 17 (unless otherwise noted), since we've broken down all the Celtic culture and fabbo fetes by venue type. We've got the hookup to the hip happenings around the Valley, allowing you to paint the town green on the cheap and keep shamrocking well into the wee hours, while pub owners are still scraping nasty-ass green dye from their taps.

You could be the winner of a pair of tickets to a show of your choice at the Marquee Theatre, a $60 gift certificate to Carrabba's Italian Grill, and a Guinness gift bag. Count the number of Guinness pints that appear in this St. Patrick's Day Guide and enter online at phoenixnewtimes.com/guinness. Winners must be 21 years or older and will be selected through a random drawing of all correct entries. Winners will be notified by phone by Monday, March 21.

Events and happenings

Sundome Center for the Performing Arts
19403 R.H. Johnson Blvd., Sun City West
www.asusundome.com

Dublin's Traditional Irish Cabaret is the Emerald Isle's answer to vaudeville, with comedy by Noel V. Ginnity, ballads by tenor Paul Hennessy and soloist Catherine Coates, music by Seamus Brett, Tommy Keane, and Pat Marnane, and the furious footwork of Irish step-dancers. 3 p.m. Sunday, March 20. $16.50-$27.50. Call 623-975-1900.

Cave Creek Coffee Company
6033 E. Cave Creek Rd., Cave Creek
www.cavecreekcoffee.com

Folk guitarist Tim Flannery brings his Irish-style acoustic music to the Valley. 7 p.m. Saturday, March 19. $15. Call 480-488-0603.

Mama Java's Coffeehouse
3619 E. Indian School Rd., Phoenix
www.mamajavascoffeehouse.com

Arizona Readers Theatre brings the words of such legendary Irish scribes as James Joyce, Edna O'Brien, W.B. Yeats and others to life during this public recital. 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 16. Free. Call 602-840-5282.

The Old Brickhouse Grill
1 E. Jackson St., Phoenix
www.brickhouse.tv

"Spring Classic Tour" underground hip-hop concert with Living Legends, J-Live, Visionaries, and Pigeon John. 8 p.m. Saturday, March 19. $22-$25. Call 602-258-7880.

Tempe Beach Park
80 W. Rio Salado Pkwy., Tempe

KZON-FM's annual St. Patty's Day Throwdown features co-headliners Cake and Everclear, as well as Shawn Johnson and the Foundation, and the Clare Voyants. 21-and-over only. 4 p.m. Thursday, March 17. $15. Call 480-784-4444.

Westin Kierland Resort
6902 E. Greenway Pkwy., Scottsdale
www.kierlandresort.com

Local bagpiper Michael McClanathan performs Irish Pipes at Sunset in the resorts Dreamweavers Canyon. 5:30 p.m. daily. Free. Call 480-624-1000.

Restaurants

Anna's Southwest Grill
425 S. Power Rd., Mesa

Live entertainment from Jack Wagner, $12.95 corned beef and cabbage, and Irish drink specials. Reservations are suggested. 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. No cover. Call 480-832-3202.

At Painted Mountain
6210 E. McKellips Rd., Mesa

Corned beef is served in a $5.95 breakfast hash, $7.95 sandwiches for lunch (with split-pea soup) and $12.95 dinners with cabbage and roasted red potatoes. Enjoy green beer all day and participate in "Irish-themed" karaoke at 7 p.m. Open until 11 p.m. No cover. Call 480-832-0158.

Carlos O'Brien's
1125 W. Elliot Rd., Tempe
www.carlosobriens.com

St. Patrick's Day Celebration with food and drink specials, promotions, and music from DJ Pete. Open until 11 p.m. No cover. Call 480-940-0565.

Caruso's Italian Ristorante
4341 E. Baseline Rd., Gilbert

Italian goes Irish for St. Patty's Day, as this eatery features green pasta with a pesto cream sauce for $11.95. 11:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. Call 480-633-9100.

Casey Jones Grill
2848 E. Bell Rd., Phoenix

Corned beef and cabbage, green beer, and Guinness and Irish whiskey shot specials throughout the night. 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. No cover. Call 602-493-9930.

College Street Deli
706 S. College Ave., Tempe

Nosh on corned beef hash, beer-batter pancakes, or green eggs and ham for $4.25 each. Pints of green beer are also offered for $1. 7 to 10 a.m. Call 480-966-9254.

Copper Canyon Grill & Brew Pub
5945 W. Ray Rd., Suite 13, Chandler

Corned beef and cabbage dinner, $1.50 green beers from 2 to 7 p.m., green Jell-O shots, and karaoke at 9 p.m. Open until 2 a.m. No cover. Call 480-705-9700.