I know it sounds weird, but I've always been a fan of Men's Health magazine. But in a recent issue, the magazine featured an article about updating sex playlists from such old cliches, like substituting Air's Talkie Walkie in for Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.
This article linked back to one that was written for Men's Health back in 2011 that I found so ridiculous, yet intriguing, that I wanted to address the editors with my personal recommendations (surely, they're jumping for joy).
The article was based off a survey from Tastebuds.fm, a dating site that connects people who share your same musical preferences. Apparently, chicks who listen to such bands as Coldplay, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Adele, and Kings of Leon are the less likely to put out. Most likely? Fans of Nirvana, Metallica, Linkin Park, Kanye West, and Gorillaz.
The Men's Health article went on to give guys a super hot insider "tip" --target girls who listen to heavy metal, because they will be the easiest to get into bed. My immediate instinct was to defend heavy metal girls--we are not easy! How dare they accuse us leather pants-clad, headbanging, sex-drugs-and-rock 'n' roll women of....well, maybe we are. I dunno. Ask my boyfriends Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker and Jameson.
I just think that heavy metal girls flaunt their sexuality a little bit more; they feel more comfortable in their inked-up skin. But to say my group of lovely ladies are easy, just because our musical preference leans more towards rebellion and an overindulgent lifestyle is just preposterous. Sorry for partying.
For many, music is a source of their identity. It evokes something in our psyches, and a lot of the time, our loins, making us feel powerful and a part of the music. There are certain songs that put me in the mood instantly, but another girl listening might want to run for the hills. And probably invest in a chastity belt. It reminds me of when I got in a debate with a friend about playing heavy metal in the bedroom. She refused to believe that it would work for her. Needless to say, I've converted more than a few girlfriends with my heavy metal playlist for sexcapades.
Which brings me to believe that all girls secretly wish they had the sexual enthusiasm of heavy metal chicks, which doesn't have to translate into "being easy." Just more open, guys. This Men's Health article went on to provide a sex playlist that is supposedly "fool proof" for getting women in the mood. This is where I had to disgustedly shake my head. Their reported clichés that actually work include "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston, "(I've Had) The Time of My Life," Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, and "Secret" by Maroon 5.
If you starts blasting "Take My Breath Away" from Top Gun through your speakers, I'm not getting turned on. My eyes are getting shifty, darting from left to right for an escape route in your apartment, which I probably should've noticed earlier looked like the room of a dude from One Direction.
If you want to set the mood, remember that metal girls aren't going to be impressed by Maroon 5 and Berlin, and guess what? It's going to take more than just cranking up The Black Album, too. It's going to take some work, some know-how, and a genuine connect. Not so easy, huh?
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.