He measures around 3-foot-6, likes wearing quaint green outfits on Saint Patrick's Day, and is a bit of a devilish trickster. Nope, we ain't referring to the WWE's Hornswoggle or even that evil lil' bastard from the Leprechaun flicks, but rather Chuey the Rock 'n' Roll Midget. The 29-year-old lascivious Lilliputian and bartender (who will be spending his St. Paddy's Day dressed as "Mexican Leprechaun" and pouring drinks at Giligin's in Scottsdale) is just one of the crafty characters you might encounter haunting Valley bars and clubs on Thursday, March 17. What else is in store for the annual exercise in both Celtic culture and alcoholic excess? Read on for a full rundown. — Benjamin Leatherman
12925 N. Saguaro Blvd., Fountain Hills
There's more than just green beer and corned beef and cabbage at the town's annual open-air St. Paddy's Day Festival, as the event will also feature arts and crafts, barbecues, vendors, children's play areas, and more. As always, the park's eponymous 330-foot fountain will be turned green, erupting at noon, and music will be provided by the local rock bands and Irish artists. 10 a.m. Free. Call 480-816-5151.
Fourth Street & Mill Avenue, Tempe
KUPD will host a massive and madcap Saint Patrick's Day Block Party that will be headlined by the hard rockers of Filter, Red Line Chemistry, and Saving Abel. 2 p.m. $18-$20. See www.98kupd.com.
Margaret T. Hance Park
1106 N. Central Ave.
The annual St. Patrick's Day Parade and Irish Faire kicks off at 10 a.m., with floats, marching bands, step dancers, and other participants traveling from Third Street and Virginia Avenue to the west side of the park. The all-day festival encompasses the Irish Cultural Center and features Irish music and entertainment, dancing, bagpipers, food and drink areas, vendor and merchandise booths, arts and crafts, and children's activities. Saturday, March 12/ 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; $10 for adults, $1 for kids 6-12, free for those under 6. Call 602-280-9221 or see www.phxirish.org.
7295 E. Stetson Dr., Scottsdale
The annual Smoke Phatties Day brings together a slew of marijuana-friendly artists, rappers, and rock bands for an evening of music and mayhem. The event will be headlined by performances from Afroman and Muck Sticky and will also feature appearances by Lil Wyte, Property Six, Bound Before, Rap & Pillage, Lucky D, Guilty Flavor, King Trick and The New Breedz, Chief Greenbud, J. Bentley, Hannibal Leq, and others. Thursday, March 10, 7 p.m.; $15 general admission, $30 VIP admission. Call 480-970-0500.
Musical Instrument Museum
4725 E. Mayo Blvd.
The five musicians who make up SLIDE Ireland are sure to impress the MIM with their beautiful mix of traditional music, Celtic hymns, and plenty of attitude. 7 p.m., $25-$36. Call 480-478-6000
St. Patrick's Day Block Party
between 3rd Ave. and 5th Ave., Scottsdale
This block party encompasses Dos Gringos, Upper Deck Sports Grill, White House, and Acme Bar, and includes access to all four bars, drink deals such as eight green beers for $20, live music, DJs, food vendors, and more. 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. $10-$20. Visit www.scottsdalesultimateblockparty.com.
Tempe Beach Park
80 E. Rio Salado Pkwy., Tempe
Flogging Molly stages its annual St. Patrick's concert, which will also include performances from Moneybrother, The Drowning Men, Keltic Cowboys. $35-$40. Call 480-829-0707.
398 S. Mill Ave., Tempe
Looking for respite from KUPD's block party? Duck into Caffe Boa for bangers and mash, corned beef and cabbage, shepherd's pie, and drink specials all day. Call 480-968-9112.
Three Valley locations
Feeling hungry? Slide on into any of the Chompie's restaurants and partake in an all-you-can-eat corned beef feast, which includes cabbage, boiled potatoes, and Irish soda bread. Green beer will also be served. 11 a.m., $17.95 per person. Call 480-557-0700 or 480-860-0475.
7000 E. Mayo Blvd.
Local Celtic rock band Traveler will perform a special Saint Patrick's set at the restaurant. 8 p.m., $10. Call 480-585-5483.
Sparky's Old Town Creamery
510 S. Mill Ave., Tempe
Free 30-ounce mint ice cream cones will be given out with any purchase. 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Call 480-221-7273.
Thirsty Dog 2 Go
15 W. 5th St., Tempe
Patrons can wear green and get a buy one, get one free deal any sausage or hot dog. 9 a.m.-11 p.m. Call 480-221-7273.
The Turf Restaurant and Pub
705 N. First St.
Sip on a pint or two of Guinness or sample a snifter of any of the Turf's Irish whiskeys and single-mat scotches during its St. Patrick's Day party, which will also feature music from Tartanic, Kilted Spirit, The Waters, and Dan McGuinness. 2 p.m.-2 a.m. Call 602-296-5043.
Zipps Sports Grills
Seven Valley locations
Green beer will be served and March Madness games will be broadcast in high-definition at each of the various Zipps around the Valley. Open until 2 a.m. Call 602-957-2112.
BARS, PUBS, & CLUBS
12014 N 32nd St.
Saint Rockabilly Patty's Day Party with music from Motel Drive and Hank Hall. 9 p.m. Call 602-788-4574.
2000 E. Rio Salado Pkwy., Tempe
Shamrocks & Shenanigans celebration featuring such Irish food and drink specials as $4 Guinness drafts and Bushmills, $6 car bombs, and $10.99 shepherds pie. 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Call 480-894-1111.
3935 E. Thomas Rd.
There will be plenty of green inside Clicks, whether it's the emerald felt on its 22 different billiards tables or the green beer getting poured into pints. A flat rate of $13 for pool will be available all evening. Call 602-220-0859. 7 p.m. Call 602-220-0859.
2000 E. Rio Salado Pkwy., Tempe
St. Patty's Day Block Party featuring Irish dancers, bagpipers, food and drink specials, green beer, games, giveaways, and live music from Green Flag Band and Shallow Water. 5 p.m., $10 (or free for Flogging Molly concertgoers). Call 480-557-9087.
Dubliner Irish Pub
3841 E. Thunderbird Rd.
St. Patrick's Day at the Dubliner will offer live entertainment from the Tirconnell School of Irish dance, the Glendale Pipe and Drum Band, music from The Biffos, and more. Plenty of traditional Irish fare will be cooked up in the kitchen, including corned beef and cabbage, Irish stew, shepherds pie, and more. 10 a.m.-3 p.m., $10. Call 602-867-0984.
680 S. Mill Ave., Tempe
The bartenders will serve Irish Hickie Daiquiris all day while DJ V-EZ will be spinning all night. 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Call 480-967-3917.
1989 W. Elliot Rd., Chandler
The party starts pretty early at Fibbers, beginning with an Irish-style breakfast at 7 a.m. The rest of the day promises beer tents, promos, prizes, giveaways, and music from Holly Kirsten, Brazenheads, and The Scones. 7 a.m.-2 a.m.; $10 after 3 p.m. Call 480-722-9434.
Flanny's Bar & Grill
1805 E. Elliot Rd., Tempe
Live music from The Drive, specials on Jameson and premium beers, and more. 11 a.m.-2 a.m. Call 480-659-0870.
1340 E. 8th St., Tempe
A special breakfast buffet will be available starting at 7 a.m., the first 100 patrons will receive commemorative T-shirts, Irish fare will be served, bagpipers and bands will perform, and March Madness games will be shown. Open until 2 a.m. Call 480-303-9967.
6895 E. Cave Creek Rd., Cave Creek
This Cave Creek country joint will transform into "O'Harold's" and offer drink specials on Bailey's, Guinness, Harp, and Bushmills, as well as a traditional Irish menu, plenty of the requisite green beer, shuttle service, and live music from Aengus Og, The Rakes, and EastonAshe. 2 p.m.-1 a.m. Call 480-488-1906.
1371 N. Alma School Rd., Chandler
Saint Patrick's Day Boozefest featuring live music, on the patio, DJs, and more. 2 p.m.; $5 after 4 p.m., $10 after 7 p.m. Call 480-213-3086.
Irish Wolfhound Restaurant & Pub
16811 N. Litchfield Rd., Surprise
Saint Patrick's Day celebration with live music and entertainment, promo giveaways, drink specials, and more. 11 a.m. to 2 a.m., $5 after 3 p.m. Call 623-214-1004.
430 N. Power Rd., Mesa
Food specials like $5 corned beef sandwiches with fries and $7 corned beef dinners will be served, while drink specials will include $2 green Bud Light and $3 Irish car bombs, Jameson, and Guinness for $3. Call 480-924-8778.
13825 N. 32nd St.
Live music from Downward Dog. 9 p.m. Call 602-992-1007.
Marc's Sports Grill & Nightlife
4494 W. Peoria Ave., Glendale
Enjoy both $6.75 corned beef sandwiches, $7.50 corned beef and cabbage platters on Saint Patrick's Day, as well as giveaways, prizes, and karaoke and dancing after 9 p.m. Drink specials include $2 green beer, Baileys, and call cocktails for ladies until 10 p.m. for laddies and until closing for lasses. 11 a.m.-2 a.m. Call 623-842-1053.
McDuffy's Sports Grill
980 E. Pecos Rd., Chandler
St. Patty's Day celebration with $3 green beers, full bar, Irish food, live music from The Brazenheads, March Madness viewing, and more. 11 a.m.-2 a.m. Call 480-966-8200.
4338 W. Bell Rd.
A titanic, 16,000-square-foot tent will barely contain all the revelry and raucousness that is planned for Padre Murphy's annual party. In addition to all the leprechauns, clowns, and green beer, a full day of entertainment is planning, including gigs by Irish dancers, bagpipers, Colleen Callahan, J. David Sloan and Western Bred, The McMorrow's, and more. 10 a.m.-2 a.m., $10 after 2 p.m. Call 602-547-9406.
1019 E. Indian School Rd.
Spend your Saint Patrick's Day in the company Scottish folk artist Al Stewart. 8 p.m., $27-$30. Call 602-265-4842.
3045 N. 16th St.
Saint Patty's Day party featuring an open mic jam session. Open until 2 a.m. Call 602-266-0015.
6411 N. 59th Ave., Glendale
Saint Patrick's party with corned beef and cabbage, DJs and karaoke, green beer, specials on 3 Olives and Jameson, and more. Call 623-435-1170.
The Rogue Bar
423 N. Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale
Live music from Xtra Ticket and Freezer. 8 p.m., $8. Call 480-947-3580.
906 E. Camelback Rd.
This pub will be a hubbub of activity, beginning with an on-site broadcast of KEZ's Beth & Friends at 6 a.m. The revelry starts at 11 a.m. with food and drink specials, happy hour from 4 to 7 p.m., bagpipers, step dancing, live music, and more. Open until 2 a.m., $10 after 1 p.m. Call 602-241-1916.
Three Valley locations
Saint Patrick's Day hootenannies will take place at every single R.T. O'Sullivan's locations and will present a mix of live music, Irish dancing, bag pipers, bull riding, drink specials like $5 monster drafts of green beer, and such food selections as corned beef and shepherds pie. 10 a.m.-2 a.m., $10 after 3 p.m. Call 480-844-1290 or 602-938-5300.
401 S. Mill Ave., Tempe
Celebrate Saint Patrick's Day with shot specials throughout the day, Irish food and drink, and various promotions from Guinness, Jameson, Bailey's, and Bushmills. Live music starts at noon and includes gigs by The Sullevins, The JJ's, and The Paul Ludenia Band. 11 a.m., $5. Call 480-929-9500.
The Sail Inn
26 S. Farmer Ave., Tempe
Some of Tempe's best bands — including Flathead, Mergence, Black Carl, and What Laura Says — will perform starting at 7 p.m. Raffles and prizes will be handed out, and corned beef cabbage will be served. 5 p.m., $10 after 8 p.m. Call 480-966-9565.
The Shout! House
6770 N. Sunrise Blvd., Glendale
Dueling pianists will perform starting at 8 p.m. while bartenders will be pouring $5 Irish car bomb shots and Jameson. Patrons can also bring their own steins and get $5 green beers. 7 p.m. Call 623-772-1500.
15688 N. Pima Rd., Scottsdale
Skeptical Chymist's annual Saint Patty's party will feature beer gardens, promo giveaways, live music from Capital Down and Javier Garcia, and plenty of revelry. 7 a.m.-2 a.m., $10 after 4 p.m. Call 480-609-8677.
9201 N. 29th Ave.
Irish rock and folk bands will perform on two different stages during this St. Paddy's Day Bash, including groups like The Celtic Growlers, The Biffos, and The Walkens. A traditional Irish breakfast will also be available at 8 a.m. Open until 2 a.m., $10 after 5 p.m. Call 602-997-2323.
2915 N. 68th St., Scottsdale
Fire up TT's killer jukebox while partaking in drink specials. 7 p.m.-2 a.m. Call 480-990-9033.