He measures around 3-foot-6, likes wearing quaint green outfits on Saint Patrick's Day, and is a bit of a devilish trickster. Nope, we ain't referring to the WWE's Hornswoggle or even that evil lil' bastard from the Leprechaun flicks, but rather Chuey the Rock 'n' Roll Midget. The 29-year-old lascivious Lilliputian and bartender (who will be spending his St. Paddy's Day dressed as "Mexican Leprechaun" and pouring drinks at Giligin's in Scottsdale) is just one of the crafty characters you might encounter haunting Valley bars and clubs on Thursday, March 17. What else is in store for the annual exercise in both Celtic culture and alcoholic excess? Read on for a full rundown. — Benjamin Leatherman
12925 N. Saguaro Blvd., Fountain Hills
There's more than just green beer and corned beef and cabbage at the town's annual open-air St. Paddy's Day Festival, as the event will also feature arts and crafts, barbecues, vendors, children's play areas, and more. As always, the park's eponymous 330-foot fountain will be turned green, erupting at noon, and music will be provided by the local rock bands and Irish artists. 10 a.m. Free. Call 480-816-5151.
Fourth Street & Mill Avenue, Tempe
KUPD will host a massive and madcap Saint Patrick's Day Block Party that will be headlined by the hard rockers of Filter, Red Line Chemistry, and Saving Abel. 2 p.m. $18-$20. See www.98kupd.com.
Margaret T. Hance Park
1106 N. Central Ave.
The annual St. Patrick's Day Parade and Irish Faire kicks off at 10 a.m., with floats, marching bands, step dancers, and other participants traveling from Third Street and Virginia Avenue to the west side of the park. The all-day festival encompasses the Irish Cultural Center and features Irish music and entertainment, dancing, bagpipers, food and drink areas, vendor and merchandise booths, arts and crafts, and children's activities. Saturday, March 12/ 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; $10 for adults, $1 for kids 6-12, free for those under 6. Call 602-280-9221 or see www.phxirish.org.
7295 E. Stetson Dr., Scottsdale
The annual Smoke Phatties Day brings together a slew of marijuana-friendly artists, rappers, and rock bands for an evening of music and mayhem. The event will be headlined by performances from Afroman and Muck Sticky and will also feature appearances by Lil Wyte, Property Six, Bound Before, Rap & Pillage, Lucky D, Guilty Flavor, King Trick and The New Breedz, Chief Greenbud, J. Bentley, Hannibal Leq, and others. Thursday, March 10, 7 p.m.; $15 general admission, $30 VIP admission. Call 480-970-0500.
Musical Instrument Museum
4725 E. Mayo Blvd.
The five musicians who make up SLIDE Ireland are sure to impress the MIM with their beautiful mix of traditional music, Celtic hymns, and plenty of attitude. 7 p.m., $25-$36. Call 480-478-6000
St. Patrick's Day Block Party
between 3rd Ave. and 5th Ave., Scottsdale
This block party encompasses Dos Gringos, Upper Deck Sports Grill, White House, and Acme Bar, and includes access to all four bars, drink deals such as eight green beers for $20, live music, DJs, food vendors, and more. 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. $10-$20. Visit www.scottsdalesultimateblockparty.com.
Tempe Beach Park
80 E. Rio Salado Pkwy., Tempe
Flogging Molly stages its annual St. Patrick's concert, which will also include performances from Moneybrother, The Drowning Men, Keltic Cowboys. $35-$40. Call 480-829-0707.
398 S. Mill Ave., Tempe
Looking for respite from KUPD's block party? Duck into Caffe Boa for bangers and mash, corned beef and cabbage, shepherd's pie, and drink specials all day. Call 480-968-9112.
Three Valley locations
Feeling hungry? Slide on into any of the Chompie's restaurants and partake in an all-you-can-eat corned beef feast, which includes cabbage, boiled potatoes, and Irish soda bread. Green beer will also be served. 11 a.m., $17.95 per person. Call 480-557-0700 or 480-860-0475.
7000 E. Mayo Blvd.
Local Celtic rock band Traveler will perform a special Saint Patrick's set at the restaurant. 8 p.m., $10. Call 480-585-5483.
Sparky's Old Town Creamery
510 S. Mill Ave., Tempe
Free 30-ounce mint ice cream cones will be given out with any purchase. 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Call 480-221-7273.
Thirsty Dog 2 Go
15 W. 5th St., Tempe
Patrons can wear green and get a buy one, get one free deal any sausage or hot dog. 9 a.m.-11 p.m. Call 480-221-7273.
The Turf Restaurant and Pub
705 N. First St.
Sip on a pint or two of Guinness or sample a snifter of any of the Turf's Irish whiskeys and single-mat scotches during its St. Patrick's Day party, which will also feature music from Tartanic, Kilted Spirit, The Waters, and Dan McGuinness. 2 p.m.-2 a.m. Call 602-296-5043.
Zipps Sports Grills
Seven Valley locations