We're particularly fond of a drink called the Mello Jello. This is not your frat party Jell-O shot. Oh, no, this drink is pure sophistication, a blend of Skyy Berry vodka, cranberry-flavored sweet and sour, and cranberry juice infused with dark cherry Jell-O. A Jell-O infusion? Leave it to Blue Wasabi. And if that sounds too grownup, leave it entirely and try the Milky Way or the Lemon Head instead.
Available in a number of different sizes, the skyboxes are available only if you have some serious scrilla (with per-night charges starting at $500 for the smallest to $1,500 for the largest) and include plenty of perks like bottle service, a stocked private bar, and chocolate-covered strawberries. If you'd rather flaunt your party to the public, separate tables are available in the general VIP lounge for $350, and there's also a cushy catwalk over the dance floor that's available for $1,000. We heard that a few Diamondbacks players had a pretty hopped-up hootenanny in the latter area recently. Let's hope they made it to practice the next day.
Chic to the gills in their finest Mara Hoffman and Sky clubwear, or even sporting teased hair and ripped denim, the coifed and coutured ladies who frequent the weekly Foxy Bitch blowout are, indeed, both dirty and pretty as they scream along to the lyrics of classic anthems of AC/DC, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Roy Orbison, or whatever rock mash-ups are being spun from the decks of D-JR.
We've even seen a few hook 'em horns getting unleashed as these lovelies shake their booties on the dance floor. Watching these wanna-be Pam Andersons slumming it (and likely in search of their own personal Tommy Lee for the evening) reminds us of the similarly ironic Cake song "Rock 'n' Roll Lifestyle," where frontman John McCrea sang, "Well, your CD collection looks shiny and costly/How much did you pay for your bad Motto Guzi/And how much did you spend on your black leather jacket?/Is it you or your parents in this income tax bracket?"
Like the triptych painting The Garden of Earthly Delights by 15th- and 16th- century Dutch artist Hieronymus Bosch, the aesthetic of the Mondrian is good and evil. The main hall of the hotel plays host to a "heaven" theme, with fluffy, white-cotton clouds suspended from the ceiling, 3-D white orbs running down the walls, and white leather furniture, while a separate bar area entertains the images of "hell," with red furniture, red glass centerpieces shaped like cherries on the tables, and murals on the walls depicting cherubs who've somehow fallen from grace.
But the statues in the hotel's posh Asia de Cuba restaurant most closely resemble Bosch's work stone bowls with phallic-shaped piles of exotic fat fruits wrapped around each other in a citrus orgy. With so much hedonism decking the halls, we wouldn't be surprised to find the Tree of Knowledge growing somewhere on the premises.
Bishop and MacLaine are still kickin', natch, but just go with the concept, okay? It ain't too far-fetched. Celebs like Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, Natalie Wood, and Robert Wagner all found reason to be here once upon a time. And now that this classy joint's reopened with its $80 million renovation, it's drawing a new round of Tinseltown types, like Jamie Foxx, and others. And perhaps even the ghosts of a few erstwhile Rat Packers on holiday from heaven.
Only problem: Everyone else in town loves this place, too, so you may need to add one of the to-die-for pizzas to your order to get a table. Life is so hard.