Fuller House Recap: "Make the Earth Great Again"

Every week, we're recapping season two of Fuller House. Do the Barbie windmill.

This entire season, middle child Max's sole plotline has involved him working on his One Kid Can Make a Difference project. That vague prompt brought him turmoil during the première, but he has since embraced it, deciding to grow a sustainable farm in the backyard, complete with chickens. After last episode saw the aforementioned chickens destroy his crops, he's back in action and ready to present to his classmates who will be coming over to see it.

Enter: third grade nemesis, Taylor. (There's always one.) We met Taylor in the Halloween episode, as the neighborhood blogger who trashed on DJ's less-than-spooky set-up. Last we saw, he was running out the side gate after they hired actors from the local haunted house to surprise the party. Anyway, he comes with his dad, announcing that they needed to survey the space. After all, Taylor built a solar-powered all-terrain vehicle. Seriously, he did it all by himself *wink*. They lay it on pretty thick (cartoonishly so) that they intend to win, with the dad outright telling DJ to prepare Max to lose.

It's third grade, y'all! You're lucky if your child even remembers what you did for their birthday, let alone if they "won" a class project.

Despite trying to talk Max up (reminding him that he was the second grade valedictorian – whatever that is), DJ is pretty spooked by the pint-sized competition. She took Taylor's dad's warning personally, and decides that if he's allowed to blatantly help his son cheat on his homework, so can she. She forces Max to stay up all night, learning a new speech she's written, and turning this presentation up to 11.

Speaking of turning things up, things are getting pretty serious between Stephanie Tanner and Jimmy Gibbler — or so they tell us. We've only seen bits and pieces of this romance, but now we're getting full on PDA as they return from a date, giggling and disgusting everyone around them. Steph tells Jimmy about the song she wrote for him, which she tried to learn and play for him last episode with the quickly reunited and now-defunct-again Girl Talk.

She's managed to gather an entire band since then and sits him down with the rest of the family to play it for him. I mean, what working musician wouldn't sign up to play in someone's living room to mostly children? She cranks up "Boy Next Door," an ode to her literal boy next door (that no one ever talked about ever in the original series). It has a '90s vibe and is, coincidentally, only about 90 seconds. Still, it's catchy and heartwarming and although he spent most of the time filming it, Jimmy is brought to tears.

He begs her to share it with the world as the story of their love (oh boy, here we go.) She agrees to let him direct a music video for it and it's certifiably awful. Alongside footage from the living room performance, they've filmed scenes of them running in the park, sharing ice cream and going Lady and the Tramp on some spaghetti and meatballs. Yet, somehow they're surprised that they only have 41 views, 37 of which left a "thumbs down" rating. Furthermore, the comment section is full of haters, saying that they're annoying. (C'mon, they totally were, right?)

As Stephanie retreats to her room, Jimmy is distraught. Maybe he screwed up the video, but people need to hear Steph's ~*brilliant*~ song. His sister, Kimmy, sees this and decides to spring into action. Inspired by their kitchen antics, she decides to cast none other than baby Tommy and the dog, Cosmo. She reshoots the video with scenes of them rolling around in the grass and Tommy pulling Cosmo in a red wagon, all set to Steph's song. At first, she brushes it off as a shameless grab at the common denominator. Then, she sees that it has over 300,000 views, which is apparently how the internet works when puppies and babies are involved.

Elsewhere in the house, Lola has asked Jackson and Ramona to watch her beloved pet, Spot, while she goes away overnight. They both understandably assume it's a dog, but soon find out that it's a tarantula. What tarantula needs overnight care? Can't you just feed it before you leave? They're both obviously terrified of it, so much so that Jackson offers Ramona $20 to watch him. What's there to watch? Seriously, tell us what we're missing here.

When it comes to dinner time, they decide to tag-team, with one quickly opening the lid while they other tosses in live crickets. Mission accomplished, he's fed, and they didn't lose any appendages. However, as one could see from a mile away, they get distracted with getting a snack and forget to close the lid.

Watch out, y'all, Spot is on the loose.

Outside, Max's class is wrapping up their presentations. They already saw Sarah's windmill made out of Barbie dolls (what?) and Taylor's totally-built-by-himself ATV. The teacher calls Max up to finish out the afternoon with his farm. However, DJ interjects, insisting on an intro she had planned. Decked out in a sleeveless denim jumper (because December, apparently) she introduces him and fires up the show.

His mantra? "Make the Earth Great Again." Seriously. Now that we already hate everything about this, in comes helicopter Mom, DJ, triggering the sound effects, interactive slides and yes, even pyrotechnics. They even make all of the students get up and do the chicken dance when the chickens are introduced. He mostly gets his message across, but it's super muddled by all the pomp and circumstance.

As Max gets to the end of his speech, everyone notices none other than Spot the tarantula (or at least a questionable CGI version of him) on Max's head. Jackson and Ramona manage to stop DJ before she smashes him to pieces, but by then Max has already lost it. He freaks out and runs into the house, leaving DJ to finish the presentation.

In the end, the teacher gives the award to the Barbie doll windmill because ... wait, why? What on earth does it do other than just reuse the dolls? Should we be powering everything through these? We missed Sarah's presentation and we have so many questions. Ultimately, she won because the directive was "One Kid Can Make a Difference," not "One kid and his mom and her best friend's live-in fiancé but technically still her husband."

DJ takes that note to heart, and apologizes to Max for making it all about her. He worked hard all year and really did make a difference, at the very least, in the lives of those four chickens.