Best Place to Keep | It Real in Scottsdale 2011 | Coach House | Arts & Entertainment | Phoenix
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Best Place to Keep It Real in Scottsdale

Coach House

Jennifer Goldberg
Serving Scottsdale since 1959, the Coach House is one of the most unpretentious places in a city known for being more champagne than PBR. During spring training, it's not uncommon to see baseball royalty sitting on the patio enjoying a cold one; major-leaguers have been hitting the Coach House since the 1960s. We can see why. Not only does the bar serve a White Russian that would make even The Dude jealous, it opens at 6 a.m. 365 days a year. We like that idea. Whether you ride a hog or a horse (there are still hitchin' posts out front) or just like drinking while watching the sun come up, you're always welcome at the Coach House. And if you've never been here during the holiday season, you're missing out. The entire bar turns into one giant light show, with thousands of Christmas lights covering the entire building . . . ceilings, walls, and all. This is one time you may actually get away with wearing your sunglasses inside and not looking like a total douche.

Best Place to See a Comedy Show

First Friday Night Live, The Firehouse

Downtown Phoenix's First Friday art walk experienced some growing pains in the past year. Streets were closed off and then reopened. Merchant tents relocated or disappeared. But this flux birthed a host of new First Friday events, including The Firehouse's new sketch comedy-slash-variety show starring such locals as Shaikh Sammad, Anna Moncada, Dwayne Holmes, and John Luther, of the band Haymarket Squares. We love the organic feel of the show, which features new skits every month and brings in guest artists, from the Strange Family Circus and Mizz Lucy Morals of Scandalesque Burlesque to Hooves (who perform the show's theme song) and event co-founder Aaron Johnson. The cast never fails to shock, whether poking fun at the "birther bill" loonies or casting the Pope's disdain for condoms in a funnier light.

Best Drag Show

"Scandaleyez," Fridays at The Rock

Lauren Cusimano
Savannah Stevens, the Phoenix drag queen who hosts Scandaleyez, isn't from the RuPaul school of drag, in which men try their best to look like beautiful women. Stevens looks more like the Divine school of drag, in which the aesthetic is more about crazy, outlandish makeup (including pinkish-red blush that makes cheekbones look like T-bones) and provocative performances that look more like wack cabaret than a Liza Minnelli or Cher tribute. Sure, it's a gas to watch a guy in heels and a Hindenburg-size curly wig lip-synch to Lady Gaga, but that's the whole idea. The fellow drag queens Stevens sometimes brings with her for the show (including Rihanna Matthews, Asia La'Vega, and Candi Colee) add their own distinctive styles to Scandaleyez, but the overall vibe stays the same: outlandish, campy fun in a haze of hairspray and padded bras.

Best Gay Bar

Amsterdam

Amsterdam — with its bordello-meets-swanky-speakeasy décor and endless martini menu — has always been a nightlife destination for gays, lesbians, and their straight friends. The music, which usually leans toward Euro dance/techno tunes, is always booming and inspires plenty of booty-shaking. The drag queen shows are equally entertaining, and the booze (again, there are hundreds of martinis here) is always poured strong. Part of the reason is that you usually have to wait a while for your drink — Amsterdam's often packed by 11 p.m. on weekends, and the lines at the bar can be epic. Bartenders must figure you might as well get your buzz on before waiting 20 minutes for another round. As for the crowd, it's become more eclectic over the past few years. Amsterdam used to be the domain of gay men with an occasional sprinkling of lesbians. Now, the crowd's split about 50-50 between men and women, and a good percentage of patrons are not gay. Because socializing inside can be difficult when you can't find two inches to move and the music's booming, a lot of people prefer the outside patio, where it's less stuffy and sweaty.

Best Lesbian Bar

Cash Inn Country

The Cash Inn has long been a nightlife destination for Valley lesbians looking to hang out, hook up, or both. A few years ago, the bar was suffering from a case of homogeneity — the music was almost all country, all the time, and line dancing was the big thing. Cash Inn still plays plenty of country and still offers free line-dancing lessons, but the club's expanded its events menu to include things like live rock shows from local bands like The Pübes, The Sugar Thieves, and all-female collective Chicks with Picks, drag queen pageants, and DJ nights that include Top 40 music and dance tracks. So while retaining its cowgirl vibe, Cash Inn Country's also brought in a whole new group of Valley lesbians, who are just as eager to grind around to Scissor Sisters as they are to two-step.

Best Hookah Lounge

Crave Cafe & Lounge

Meagan Simmons
Crave Cafe & Lounge may not offer the most authentic Middle Eastern hookah experience, but it does provide the most relaxing and hip atmosphere we've found. The interior looks like a swanky bordello, with deep red walls, black leather couches, and mirrors everywhere. Music videos (ranging from The Killers to PM Dawn to U2) play on big-screen TVs and also are projected onto the wall. The hookahs are served in buckets of ice and hit so subtle and smooth that you're not even aware you're smoking 'til you exhale a big cloud of fragrant smoke. The food is pretty darn good, too, and includes fare like hummus and tzatziki, arranged artistically on a plate. Sunday is the best day to visit, because Crave offers half-price unlimited hookahs, half-price food menu items, and two-for-one well cocktails. (There's also ample parking around Mill Avenue on Sundays.) And if you're craving some fresher air, Crave has front and back patios for your eating and smoking pleasure — there's even a plasma TV out back (but alas, no misting system).

Best Smoking Patio

The Stray Cat

Packed with hip-hoppers, coeds, and rockers, The Stray Cat serves a diverse clientele. But no group is better taken care of at the Tempe spot than hardcore smokers. The bar doesn't feature a smoking patio, per se, but it does house a ventilated room complete with tables, couches, TVs, and fans, all dedicated to the Cult of Nicotine and its members' ashy habit. Best of all, smokers can bring their drinks out with them, enjoying those classic twin vices of cigarettes and alcohol. Smoking indoors is practically unheard of in city limits, but at The Stray Cat, this is about as close as you can get — without breaking the law.

Best Non-Smoking Patio

Four Peaks Brewing Company

New Times Archives
Ahh, there is nothing like relaxing on a patio while drinking one of your favorite beers and noshing on a plate of cheese puffs on a crisp autumn day — and then your neighbor has to go and ruin it by lighting up a dirty cigarette. We hate when that happens! It won't happen at Four Peaks — the brewery's expansive tree-shaded patio is 100 percent smoke-free before midnight. It's rare to find a patio in the Valley that wasn't built with the smoker in mind, but if you smoke on the Four Peaks patio, you and your cigarettes swiftly will be asked to leave.

Best Sports Bar, Central Phoenix

Hazelwoods First Place Sports Grill

Any bar can plaster a couple of flat-screens on the wall and call itself a sports bar, but a true sports fan knows that it takes a lot more than a few plasmas from a big-box store to be drafted as a game-day watering hole. Hazelwoods understands this. In addition to the more prominent flatscreens, the bar provides a mini TV at every booth that you can tune to your sport of choice. The bar food is solid, and there's no shortage of game-day specials. And if you get a bit too tipsy rooting for the home team, Hazelwoods has a booze-mobile that will drive you home free of charge within a five-mile radius. Now that's team spirit.

Best Sports Bar, Downtown Phoenix

Coach and Willie's

One of the perks of being within walking distance of the major sports arenas in downtown Phoenix is that you end up drawing a pretty respectable crowd of pre- and post-game sports fans. Though there's no shortage of sports on every big-screen TV at Coach and Willie's, what really makes us sweet on this bar is the above-average menu (bacon crusted mac 'n' cheese and the signature lobster bisque come to mind), which makes it easy to linger over a couple of beers, even in the off-season. Not that there's ever an off-season at Coach and Willie's, because they seem to subscribe to the sports fanatic's HD dream package.

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